14 Sept 2013

I have no clue how things are going to turn out. Of course, we determine to do our best, not only hoping. We comfort ourselves that things are going to be alright. Yet, as usual, I tend to be the ‘worrier’.

 

I hate myself for being weak when it’s time to be tough. I hate myself to be so emotional and I hate myself even more to make him worry.

 

I know it best that we just need to get used to things, that we are now on 2  different islands and we are on our own. However, I can’t help myself being so touchy every time that I remember those small little things like eating rujak during the weekend, ‘accompanying’ him watching motoGP (annoying him with the same question over and over again), touching back of his head when he drove me around, him playing song with his guitar, OMG... now I know how habit can torture us sometimes.

 

People around me don’t help much, even my little nephew. He likes him so much, sometimes he can call out “Shu shu” out of the blue. My niece asked me “Shu shu ne?” OMG OMG OMG!

 

I can only learn to live with that by keeping myself busy with work (overwhelming) and new activities.

 

I miss you much, Baby~

 

Time out

There is always time of the month that I am feeling extraordinary low that I just want everything to end and then am hoping I can restart it all over again, playing the good part only. I realize how unhealthy the feeling is. Is it the hormone? Is it just the drama queen in me? Is it the children (who even though cute, but can be energy consuming at times)? Or is there a problem denied that needs a solution badly? I don’t know.... 

 

Feeling so low now, even though I am having my break.  It’s not really a relaxing break that I am having now. In fact, it’s a bit hectic, like how J City has always been.

 

I need a long time-out! Can I get that? And will I be okay after that?

 

Can someone help to brighten up my days? Make it a bit more eventful (in a good way, of course)? Or.... does it really all up to me? If it is, what’s the purpose of having people around us? That’s silly.

 

*Crumpled thought – just feeling to write it down.

 

 

 

24 July 2013

 

This post is dedicated to someone I care for.

 

I don't ask for anything fancy. I just want us to keep the love, have faith, work hard and giving our best in everything we do, give hope for a better future and just be there.

 

I am sorry for being stubborn, that has been my middle name all this while, which I know one day I would need to work on, and that one day maybe now.

 

I am sorry for caring too much, that's in my zodiac, when an Aquarius cares, they care too much, when they don't, they don't give a damn. There is nothing in the middle.

 

I am sorry for always having serious talk from time to time, that's just me being me, I want things crystal clear, so I said what I think, what concerns both of us and sometimes it may not always the sweet mushy things.

 

I am sorry for bad choices made at times. Things may seem small to you, but one day if I 'accidently' pick the ugliest tie (those with polkadot pattern??), would you wear that in front of me, just to make me happy, and then find another good timing to tell me, nicely of course, that maybe something with no pattern work best in all occasions. Then... I would slowly learn.

 

I am sorry for being too 'aggressive' sometimes. That's my principle of life. I have always been fighting all my life. For what's mine, for what I think is right, for people I love, and most of the time to prove some people that they are wrong. Sure, that there are those times when I am proven wrong for doing so. Yet, if I don't stand up for myself, nobody will do that for me. That's just an instinct.

 

Above all, I thank you for being around all those times, through the good and the bad.

 

For more years to come, I hope~

 

Love you, baby~

 

The past 7 months in 2013

 

7 months have almost passed in 2013, what have we achieved and what have we not started? We still have another 5 months to catch up what we are supposed to finish/start doing in 2013.

Goals are set in early 2013, and here are things that are ‘in track’:

1. Teaching: started early than what I expected. J Have been teaching for 5 months now (since March 2013), extremely short but eventful J Can be tiring (on Thursdays I teach for 11 hours), but the schedule was really up to me to decide (on Fridays I teach for 2 hours only J )

 

2. Parents’ blessing: Yes, we got it! He said: “As long as we do it right, they will approve.” That’s the very first baby step, we have long way to go, with ‘opportunities’ that we can’t afford to miss, our future is still a mystery. I would like to keep my faith, be positive!

 

3. Reading: Have been reading a few books, 8 books should not be a problem this year. 3 out of 5 books are religious books by Ajahn Brahm, then The Litigators by John Grisham and Time Keeper by Mitch Albom. Another 3 to go and I would have achieved the goal J Moreover, I have a very good history ‘teacher’ now, who always explains to me about the things that I had no interest to know back then, when I was in high school. He did better than my history teacher. It’s a compliment, old man.

 

4. More time with family: I think I did just fine. I realize living alone out there make me a bit selfish. Here I learnt how can some people put others first, because they are important, because they are our family, because they are people whom we love. 

 

5. Travelling: I don’t know if last April trip to Jakarta counts, but if that does not I have tickets for October trip with family, September for a function in Jakarta, and lastly, should be travelling in November again, locally. J  Nothing grand, but I am grateful!    

Something that I need to work on:

 

1. Writing: Have been typing on computer quite a lot, but not writing on anything particular, it’s preparing the materials for kids. I had an idea of a book (believe it or not! Talk to a publisher, and they were actually interested, but gotta put it ‘on hold’, as I am overwhelmed with the overall teaching routine.) Anyway, I’ll always keep this in mind, and it’s gonna happen in this life time! :)

2. Exercising: This always has been the most difficult one. Decided to do yoga! When I was eager to start, some issues with the new yoga centre. Pending... Then June was not an easy month, so busy fixing thing. July here it is... I just ‘rolled down’ staircase and it’s a bit painful L COME ON! I have August, September, October, November, and December to do something about this and get fit!!! The most difficult resolutions for the past 5 years??? Aww

Well Wishes,
Lin ^ ^

Teaching

 

I have never thought that I would consider teaching seriously. It started when I was in senior high school (about 10 years ago), I taught 4 or 5 kids from my neighbourhood. Initially, it was just an extra income that I could save in my piggybank.  
 

Then when I moved to Medan for further study, I taught privately and in tuition centre. Again, it’s just fully utilizing my time and earning something for myself.

 

 

I have forgotten about teaching for 5 years or more. Pursuing my study overseas, working in Singapore, enjoying what I was doing, until I decided to resign and come back to homeland. I was not planning on anything specific, then working in corporate setting in Medan for a super short time, and suddenly was boarding the plane to China.

 

I can say Beijing was the break that I need. I was super healthy there, mentally. J (Physically, I needed 2 months to adjust to the super dry weather, which my throat and lung resisted) I was spending my own money on the things that I had dreamed for since 9 years ago. That feels just GREAT!

 

I am thankful that luck has always with me, no matter how things turn out, I know that I have given my best. Have been teaching for 4 months now, and there are so many fun things happen everyday.  

 

 

Sharing something fun for the last four months:

Note: Him & Her refer to my students.

 

1) Him: “Miss, do you teach senior high school students?” | Me: “Yes, Why?” | Him: “Okay, I will still be taking classes with you ‘til then” - he is only in Primary, 4th grade. Long way to go, James :)
2) Her: “Miss, do you want to listen to my singing?” | Him: “You should listen, she composed it herself. It’s good when you listen to it more” | Me: “Okay then” | She then started singing - she may not be extremely good academically, but she is good in art.

3) Me: “Is the shirt new?” | Her: “niu = cow” | she is 2.5 years old and taking Mandarin class with me

4) Show a monkey doll to 3 years old kids who can't speak clearly yet. | Her: "u u a a" - She was imitating the sound made by the monkeys in cartoon that she watched.

5) Me: “What does 'Big' mean?” | Him: “Babi” (Babi = Pig in Bahasa Indonesia) | Her: “He did it on purpose. | Me: “I won’t let you go home until you can answer correctly. Big means?” | Him: “Besar” - Attention seeker, Vincent.

 

 

Something that makes me proud:

1)      A boy ranks 43 / 46 students. In the report book, I can see that English is the only subject which he gets 100 points.

2)      A girl makes me so worried; at the end he gets 81 and 90 for Mandarin and English exams, respectively. They are above what I expected from her.

3)      A student’s mom wants to increase the number of meetings for her daughter, as in 3 months she sees improvements in her daughter’s mandarin. (Another reason is that no one can entertain her daughter when she speaks mandarin at home)  

 

 

They all make me happy in the way that other things can't. They are my dreams. They are young people who have the role in supporting me realizing my dream, bigger one.

 

Don't grow up too fast, kids :)

 

Proud Teacher,

Linda Tan

 

Last update: May 2013

OMG... It's not as easy as I thought just to keep up 2 blog posts a month. Things have been going crazy...

I am not in perfect health now, but sure I am recovering. It may be due to the 'unhealthy' food intake and the crazy weather. It's super hot, I bet not only in Medan but as well as in neighboring country;. *trusted source. :)

Coughing has come more often, is it because of the cough that I was having when I was in China? The pollution? Or it's just me talking too much to my students? Or... Is it being transferred from my students whose coughing come and go more often than other people whom I have ever met in my life. Hope everything is alright. 

Anyway, May is not great as I would like it to be, but for sure, am enjoying life. Have been teaching for 3 months, and I am happy that everything is developing in a good pace. Thinking ways to expand what am doing now. Looking for an assistant to standby so that I can take more students. Currently, I just cannot handle more than 5 students in one session. Too overwhelm and not effective for the kids. I want to give my best, and am sure I will find way! As always. 

Apart from that my daily activities would be preparing teaching materials, teach, preparing materials, preparing materials, teach, teach, house chores, and that would be it. It looks like nothing, but am dead tired. 

Shocking news from a friend who had just lost his father to hard attack :( My deepest condolences. It teaches us all one thing, appreciate the current moment that you have, love the people who love you, respect the people who should be respected, do goods, and enjoy life. There is only one thing certain in this life, it's uncertainty. 

Currently am blogging from one of the classroom in ICM, this would be my last 2 classes with the kids who major in hospitality. Time flies! I hope all the best for all of us. Friends, take care of your health, it is more important than your job! Don't trust me, just prove it yourself :)

Their Story of Life

 

Was watching a ‘reality show’ where the program captured the life of the unfortunate people in Indonesia. The show called “Orang Pinggiran”. I don’t know how true the content of the show is, but I believe they exist. The one thing that it teaches me is to be grateful.

 

Yesterday was about an old man who lived with his wife and a middle school age daughter. The old man main job is extracting rubber from the wild trees in the jungle. Everyday he needs to walk a total of 5 km to reach the middle of the jungle (10 km return ways) where trees that have become his main source of living exist.

 

The rubber can only be sold if he has collected 1 kg or above. He needs a week to collect a kilo weight rubber. Do you know how much it is sold? IDR60,000/kg. I could not imagine how can they survive with a total of IDR240,000 a month for a 3 persons household?

 

Sometimes, we spend IDR 60,000 for a meal; while some people like them need to survive for a week with the same amount of money, again a 3 person’s household! L

 

Have we thanked our life? 

 

 

26 Years of Life that was Lived Well

No one can predict how long my life will be, I am guessing that about quarter to one third of my life has passed. Grateful for the life lives well!

 

26 Living Rules that I have learnt:

 

1. Family always comes first

They are the people who you can always turn to when you are in need. They can be hard on you sometimes, but that’s part of the loving, unconditionally.

 

2. Friends, trustable ones, may not be many. Appreciate them if you have them.

Friendship is not like wine, there is no guarantee it will be good when it is long. If you already have them, appreciate them. If you have not, be open in meeting new friends and select only those who lift you up.

  

3. Be Sincere!

Say only things that you mean. No Lies, especially to those whom you love. If the lies are sealed perfectly, it haunted you for the rest of your life. If you are caught lying, it haunts them the rest of their life. Both are bad!

 

4. Do NOT go with the crowd.

Things may be easier if you just go with the crowd, but be smart. Remember: plane takes off against the wind.

 

5. Be Kind and Help others.

Help others, sincerely! You will know how it helps you to be happier! At the end, it is what matter the most.

 

6. Money is Important, but It is not everything.

Money pays the bill and let us lives with less worry; earn just enough for what you think is good life (it can mean 3 meals + 1 tea time + 1 supper or it can be travel around the world in 90 days)! Whatever it is, do not exhaust yourself to the extent you can’t enjoy what you have earned!

 

7. Over-thinking has always done more bad than good.

Think but do not do it overly, it leads to an endless guessing to unpredictable future. Moreover, something that is endless are often no good.

 

8. Do not do things that you don’t wish others do to yourself.

Show respect if you want to be respected. Be polite if you want others to be polite to you. Hurt no one if you want no one to hurt you.

 

9. Love Life.

Only when you are alive that you have the opportunities.

 

10. Pay attention to the little things.

Sometimes, they teach you more than the obvious big things.

 

11. Give your best in everything you do.

Since you decide to do it, give it your best. Hard work always pays, in any forms!

 

12. Say “Thank you”.

Best thing about saying thank you is that it doesn’t cost you anything and it may make someone’s day bright! What to lose?

 

13. Woman, know what you worth!

Despite how the world sees our limitation, do not underestimate yourself!

 

14. Keep aside at least one third of your monthly income.

You will never know when you will need them, either to help yourself or others.

 

15. Smile :)

Even when you have no reason to smile, force it! Sometimes, the curve ups on your lips may be interpreted as good thing in your brain.   

 

16. Stand up for what matters.

If you think something will not matter in 5 years time, don’t fight for it. Stand up only to things that matter!

 

17. Invest in things that improve you, both spiritually and physically.

Read books, listen to music, play with your pet, adventure out in nature, play ‘sanely’ in stock market, work when it’s working hours, and avoid politics to live in peace.

 

18. Dream big!

Set goal in life and follow through. It is okay to drift away from time to time, but find your way back to the track where you should be. We are all born to be someone who are meant to do something, meaningful things.

 

19. Cry when you need to.

Being strong does not mean you can’t shed tears. It just mean after you are done crying, you pick yourself up again and start the day new!

 

20. Be rebellious, but don’t hurt.

It is okay to be rebellious as long as you don’t hurt yourself and others, especially those who care. Sometimes, we need to learn the hard way.

 

21. Above all, health is wealth!

Be grateful if you are healthy. Trust me on this. You don’t want to start believing this until you get sick. Take care of yourself!

 

22. Let your feeling out, and feel better.

If you know you can’t say it well verbally, write it down, phrase and rephrase it, to avoid miss understanding. Cursing doesn’t help much most of the time.

 

23. Don’t let others hurt you repeatedly.

If someone you love hurt you, unintentionally, give them second chance! If for any reasons it happens again, remind yourself that they may not worth your love, tell yourself how many more wounds you can take from that same person. What if strangers hurt you? Ignore them, if they are not gone yet, time to walk away! Your life is too precious to be lived around them. (In Buddhist, compassion is the teaching, but I am no saint)

 

24. Love unconditionally & with respect, at the same time Think Logically

Be romantic, but do not let love blinds you. It is hard to do, but try. I don’t know much but I know enough that in relationship respect is important.

 

25. Listen to your children.

I am glad that my parents are not dictator, that’s where I learn to make my opinion heard, and then it’s when people start listening to what I have got to say.

 

26. Be grateful for everything.

 

Chinese New Year 2013

 

Chinese New Year is one of my favorite festive days! Again, as I have posted before, it’s for the laughter, the food (can be scary sometimes), the family gathering, the part where people are not allowed to get angry, the reason to come back home.

 

This year? It’s different for me. The first time for the past 7 years that I actually have plenty of time to spend in my hometown. Not that it’s very very special, but rather it’s just different!

 

I would like to ‘pen’ this down: “I drive home, 4 and half hours drive”

 

If someone asks me when is the last time you do something for the first time?

 

I would say, it’s a few days ago. For the past 25 years, I have been the daughter who just sit while my dad (the only person who drive in my family until May 2012, before I learnt how to) did the driving.

 

 Something I am very proud of! J Not that I did it alone, my dad gave instructions (irritated me sometimes, but it did help, a LOT indeed). But yeah... I feel proud because while my dad replaced me for half an hour for me to take a break and said his leg hurts, I was there and able to help! You should know the feeling if you ever be the one who help while nobody else can. Yeah! I saved the night! Haha.. Not really a big thing, but for me it’s remarkable!

 

We can do it even without a male sibling in the family. Don’t worry, Dad & Mom... I am here for you! J

 

I would like to make a wish while the year is still fresh!

 

“Wish that things that I do will go smoothly, I know it will be slow, but give me a glitter of hints that it will be alright! I wish the same for people I love and care the most!”

 

To family & friends, wherever you are... Happy Chinese New Year!

 

春节快乐！祝大家身体健康，千事亨通，笑口常开，万事如意，心想事成！

 

 

Love,

Lin ^ ^

My Beijing Stay

 

My Beijing stay is going to end soon, in 2 days, when I am going to board my flight on Jan 19 at 2.20AM, leaving for Singapore, before going back to Medan.

 

These are a few things worth remembering about this stay:

 

1. I experience so many 'firsts' in Beijing:

- My first time to finance my own study

- My first winter

- My first snow

- My first boots

- My first 'dormitory' experience

- My first skiing

- My first 'puking' after too much drink

 

2. I am (re)confirming so many things in here.

-  Confirming the level of my Chinese Language. I am quite satisfied with my performance, although I know I can do better. My average grade is 92.25 points.

- Confirming my writing skill. I am surprised that I can actually write well in a foreign language.

 

3. I crosses path with friends from around the world:

- America: Abigail King

- UK: Fiona Jing 

- Thailand: Mod

- Hong Kong: Edith Leung, Madeline

- Malaysia: Eliza Khor

- Japan: Itsuko, Haruka, Yuya, Ryohei, Taku, Motoi

- Korea: Haye, DongHwan, Suen

- Indonesia: Cheng, Erwin, Theo

 

4. I missed a few things that seem so close, yet...

- Red leaves at Xiang Shan

- Forbidden city

- Skiing on top of a frozen lake

 

The weather has been colder and colder since I first landed, but I think I am gonna miss it (except the itchiness that is caused by the dry weather and of course the spitting tradition in here).

 

I just wanna say I Love BJ! :)

 

Less than 3,

Lin ^ ^

 

Beijing, BLCU, Dorm 17, Room #1006

January 16, 2013

All can only be Good, Better and Best in 2013

 

I welcome 2013 with 2 friends and more strangers in a full-house bar in Sanlitun, Beijing. To be exact, when people was like "Happy New Year!!!", I was washing my hand in the toilet. Haha... It took me 5 minutes to get back to my seats before finally, I can toast for the new year.

 

Best is that I drank too much and vomited twice, an hour after the new year just started. Something huh? It's called letting go the bad =P

 

I wish this year will be good and It can only be Better, if not Best!!!

 

"2013!!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME??? I NEED YOU TO BE GOOD TO ME! I NEED YOU TO BE BETTER! AND YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE!!! DO YOU GET IT?!"

 

I hope 2013 has heard it! :)

 

Anyway, no matter how much I wish that life will have a good turn out this year, still it's in our power to get it realized!

 

As the saying goes "Do your best and Let God (if exists) take care of the rest."

 

Looking back at my first post last year, the goal set was very very amibiguous! There is no wonder I have achieved nothing particular that closed to my plan, because I just didnt have one (or... I should say I HAD one, somewhere in my little brain, and as usual, my memory failed me.)

 

Anyway, let's be detailed this year... I would like to get everything back in the right track!

 

1. Travelling: As always, it has always come first. This is important as it's what make me whom I am now. I like to see new places and I want to do it regularly for many many years to come. As long as I am still breathing, I will make my way to visit many many places in this world! I wanna see them for myself! At least, I need to make 2 trips this year. One definitely with my parents (hopefully Japan in April, if it's not too late to plan when I am back to Medan), and another one yet to confirm!

 

To be honest, I am actually wishing to have 3 trips this year, however, trying to be logical here, considering my 'unemployment'. Haha...

 

2. Reading and Writing: I NEED to read at least 8 new books by end of this year. Why do I lessen the target this year, because I was hoping to have more time with my loved ones since I am back in town. :)

 

As for writing, I am ashamed that I only had 13 posts published last year, some even are not a real write up. Anyway, whatever done is finished. I should still encourage myself, as I actually had written some poems that are not published. This year, I started a personal journal, it's in progress. It's a present to someone. No fancy sentences, just a compilation what I called LIFE! I name it: "Trail of Existence." Other write up, will work on at least 24 posts by end of the year, two monthly. I'll hate myself if I can even do that. Fighting!!!

 

3. Exercising: Just wanna be realistic now. For the past few years have always been targeting on losing weight, which had never come to reality. This year, I wanna phrase it differently, exercising. Since there is a swimming pool in the complex where I live, I will need to be strict with myself. At least twice weekly, I need to dragged myself out of my bed early. I really don't plan to go back to "office kind of work" (Plan may change, as it had always had), then what I have is Time and Time, thus I really need to be determined on this! Come on, Linda!

 

4. Teaching: By April, I hope I can start teaching. This time, I would like to really weigh all the possibilities and opportunites, and do not just jump to what come first. I really love kids and I am somehow feel education is important, thus teaching kids are my very first priority. I hope things work out well. I sincerely hope so. However, I have another wish, I wish I can do something part time that allow me to interact with college students. I hope there is opportunity.

 

5. Business Opportunity: My parents are moving to Medan very soon. As much as I wish they can enjoy their retirment age, I would like them to be busy with something. A total doing-nothing kind of idea is just a no-no in my personal opinion. Thus... I should start considering any posibilities where we can start a new 'family' business in Medan, with my parents and my sis. At least, I should start thinking about this! When I was young, I think I am born as a business woman, you know? :p In primary school, I had already started selling things at school to classmates and other kids from neighbor classes. Haha... That was something. Then, when I get older, I kinda starting to doubt my own skill. It's time to find it back!

 

6. More time with Family: Family comes first! Always keep that in mind. Also, I would like to spend more time with my niece, Felisha. Just feeling like to do it. I think it will be helpful to my sis as well and it's good for that little girl and myself! I really love her and I would do anything, hoping she can become someone, if not to anyone, just to her parents will do. I think I just have extra energy to do this, so I am gonna do it! :)

 

7. Parents' Blessing: I can't realize this myself. I need my partner to do it with me and all the best to us!
 

There are a lot to do! I need to focus! I am determined! I am all for it!

 

I am ready to get things back to the right track! Start with doing well for my Final Exam next week :) All the best!

 

All are Good, Better and Best in 2013!

 

With Lots of Love and High Spirit,

Lin ^ ^