14 Sept 2013

I have no clue how things are going to turn out. Of course, we determine to do our best, not only hoping. We comfort ourselves that things are going to be alright. Yet, as usual, I tend to be the ‘worrier’.

 

I hate myself for being weak when it’s time to be tough. I hate myself to be so emotional and I hate myself even more to make him worry.

 

I know it best that we just need to get used to things, that we are now on 2  different islands and we are on our own. However, I can’t help myself being so touchy every time that I remember those small little things like eating rujak during the weekend, ‘accompanying’ him watching motoGP (annoying him with the same question over and over again), touching back of his head when he drove me around, him playing song with his guitar, OMG... now I know how habit can torture us sometimes.

 

People around me don’t help much, even my little nephew. He likes him so much, sometimes he can call out “Shu shu” out of the blue. My niece asked me “Shu shu ne?” OMG OMG OMG!

 

I can only learn to live with that by keeping myself busy with work (overwhelming) and new activities.

 

I miss you much, Baby~

 

Time out

There is always time of the month that I am feeling extraordinary low that I just want everything to end and then am hoping I can restart it all over again, playing the good part only. I realize how unhealthy the feeling is. Is it the hormone? Is it just the drama queen in me? Is it the children (who even though cute, but can be energy consuming at times)? Or is there a problem denied that needs a solution badly? I don’t know.... 

 

Feeling so low now, even though I am having my break.  It’s not really a relaxing break that I am having now. In fact, it’s a bit hectic, like how J City has always been.

 

I need a long time-out! Can I get that? And will I be okay after that?

 

Can someone help to brighten up my days? Make it a bit more eventful (in a good way, of course)? Or.... does it really all up to me? If it is, what’s the purpose of having people around us? That’s silly.

 

*Crumpled thought – just feeling to write it down.