Last Weekend, 30 April 2017, we woke up early in the morning (this is
something extraordinary for me, especially during the weekend which I would not
normally be woken up by the sound of alarm clock), and got ready to sign our
paper. What Paper?
It's been 15 months since our wedding ceremony and reception in Medan and 13 months since our wedding reception in Jakarta, and you won't believe that we are still talking about our wedding now. Yep, it's our marriage certificate! After living in worry that we are going to get raids and be jailed for living together without a proper documentation of marriage (I am just kidding about the worry, but being jailed for cohabitating is real in Indonesia, there is a law about it), we are finally get our documentation done.
The question is why so late?
Here is my side of story. Marriage certification is not difficult to obtain in “normal” circumstances, it is easy and it is free now. Normal here means that you are marrying someone opposite sex or someone who have the same religion as you. By this definition, people who would like to have a family with those who are not the same faith are considered “abnormal” in our beloved country. Again, in normal circumstances, we just have to run here and there (RT, RW, Department of Civil Registration or locally known as Catatan sipil). to complete the documents needed before proceeding to the real deal in signing the marriage certificate.
My parents helped me getting my documentation done, such as declaration that I am still single by 3 level of officials back in my hometown, lots of waiting and queuing just to wait someone in charge to sign the paper, because they are busy, with nothing normally. As for Henki, he had to do it himself, so the only time that we have is during our trip back to Jakarta early this year for Chinese new year. Anyway, we got that done too.
Now, why don't we process our marriage certificate in Jakarta? Oh, because the country has passed the law that states that interfaith marriage is not allowed in Indonesia. WHY? Don't ask me. This is the most ridiculous thing ever. Many strong believers of a religion believes that interfaith marriage is not going to work. The reason is that every marriage will encounter difficult times, and in those difficult times, we normally will turn to our faith more than ever. Therefore, if a couple has different faith and belief, how can they resolve their issues together with the guidance of God? How can they go to the same temple/church/mosque and seek the guidance of the "holy" people in there to help them see things clearer and work their problems out?
Initially, I was hesitant to convert because certain things in other religion do not fit into my principles in life and I am quite happy with my current belief. However, with time, my belief told me that it doesn't matter what the paper said about me, but it rather how I feel about myself, that truly matters. With that and my parents' support (Amazing, aren't they?) I don't mind converting, if needed.
Government should note, I convert not because I want, but because I need to or I must. Consider the difference and revisit the relevant law, will you?
In order to be able to process legal documentation that certified us as husband and wife, we need to go through something called "wedding based on faith/religion" or known as Nikah Agama, which is our problem. To put it blankly, There is almost no church wants me because I am not a believer. And we can't get it done in a temple, because Henki doesn't want to hold an incense because he needs to maintain certain belief of his and to save him from explaining things to people that need explanation. Story short, "Almost" is the keyword, at the end, we are able to get the church to issue a paper before going to the next step of signing the final marriage certificate in the relevant government office (As for us, we register it under the civil registration office in Bali, not in my hometown nor Henki’s. Living in a BIG country has its own problem, although we are Indonesian, we are not “local” as long as the Balinese government office is concerned). Back to the “help” that we are getting, I am not sure whether it is his interpretation on God's words that makes him want to help couples like me and Henki or it is something more worldly. However, I am grateful that he wants to do it so that we can get on with life and process the next legal paper to certify that we are a family. (I can only see it happens during our next trip back in CNY 2018, if nothing urgent happens before that.)
From the simple Christian ceremony we had last weekend, we have finally had our classical wedding vow. We didn’t prepare it, the pastor helps us with that, promising each other to respect and love one another in good and bad times, in health and sickness, until death do us apart. I want and will hold on to that, even if I am not born Christian. With the blessing, love and support from our family and friends, hopefully we can make it happen.
Anyway, we are legally married now. It doesn't change anything in our relationship, except we have papers to show during raids. Blah~
After a year plus of marriage, we are already a better couple compare to when we started last year. A friend told me that the first year of marriage is the most difficult year. I did experience that last year. Some other couples might not. I am just saying based on my experience. I struggle with new routine in new place, with so little / no other family members around, with Henki's work that is going crazy with every promotion and of course with each others' habits that are easily overlooked during our 3 years plus of LDR before committing into marriage.
I am not saying that we have got everything "under control", because we are not and I have learned that we never will, but I can handle things slightly better than before. Marriage changed me as a person, I believe things have changed Henki too. Believe it or not, my family and friends have helped a lot in straightening some knots for me in difficult time, helping to see things from different perspective and get to understand marriage life better. This part of walk in life has been much relaxing walk because of Ajahn Brahm. I must give him this credit. I listen to his talk a lot and Henki has never prohibit me from doing that (Thank you!) and I will "force" him to admit that he sometimes listen and "enjoy" it too. Enjoy here means find it make sense and he will tell me that "Baby, do you hear that? You have to worry less." He is a much more "Buddhist" than I am. He lets go more easily and it sometimes irritates me. Because I have to do all the worry, although experience has repeatedly showed me that there is no use in worrying.
Our marriage is still “young”, seumur jagung in Bahasa Indonesia, so far problems in life resolved not because we visit the temple/church often, but because I want to make it work and Henki does too. Both of us have to let go a little bit of our ownwelf and learn to accept others as they are and help each others in difficult times. I also learned from something that I read/watch that sometimes in marriage it is good to be “deaf” as most of the time when tiredness and irritation set it, people said things that they do not mean, and lots of times, it is destructive. So, be deaf at times.
It's been 15 months since our wedding ceremony and reception in Medan and 13 months since our wedding reception in Jakarta, and you won't believe that we are still talking about our wedding now. Yep, it's our marriage certificate! After living in worry that we are going to get raids and be jailed for living together without a proper documentation of marriage (I am just kidding about the worry, but being jailed for cohabitating is real in Indonesia, there is a law about it), we are finally get our documentation done.
The question is why so late?
Here is my side of story. Marriage certification is not difficult to obtain in “normal” circumstances, it is easy and it is free now. Normal here means that you are marrying someone opposite sex or someone who have the same religion as you. By this definition, people who would like to have a family with those who are not the same faith are considered “abnormal” in our beloved country. Again, in normal circumstances, we just have to run here and there (RT, RW, Department of Civil Registration or locally known as Catatan sipil). to complete the documents needed before proceeding to the real deal in signing the marriage certificate.
My parents helped me getting my documentation done, such as declaration that I am still single by 3 level of officials back in my hometown, lots of waiting and queuing just to wait someone in charge to sign the paper, because they are busy, with nothing normally. As for Henki, he had to do it himself, so the only time that we have is during our trip back to Jakarta early this year for Chinese new year. Anyway, we got that done too.
Now, why don't we process our marriage certificate in Jakarta? Oh, because the country has passed the law that states that interfaith marriage is not allowed in Indonesia. WHY? Don't ask me. This is the most ridiculous thing ever. Many strong believers of a religion believes that interfaith marriage is not going to work. The reason is that every marriage will encounter difficult times, and in those difficult times, we normally will turn to our faith more than ever. Therefore, if a couple has different faith and belief, how can they resolve their issues together with the guidance of God? How can they go to the same temple/church/mosque and seek the guidance of the "holy" people in there to help them see things clearer and work their problems out?
Initially, I was hesitant to convert because certain things in other religion do not fit into my principles in life and I am quite happy with my current belief. However, with time, my belief told me that it doesn't matter what the paper said about me, but it rather how I feel about myself, that truly matters. With that and my parents' support (Amazing, aren't they?) I don't mind converting, if needed.
Government should note, I convert not because I want, but because I need to or I must. Consider the difference and revisit the relevant law, will you?
In order to be able to process legal documentation that certified us as husband and wife, we need to go through something called "wedding based on faith/religion" or known as Nikah Agama, which is our problem. To put it blankly, There is almost no church wants me because I am not a believer. And we can't get it done in a temple, because Henki doesn't want to hold an incense because he needs to maintain certain belief of his and to save him from explaining things to people that need explanation. Story short, "Almost" is the keyword, at the end, we are able to get the church to issue a paper before going to the next step of signing the final marriage certificate in the relevant government office (As for us, we register it under the civil registration office in Bali, not in my hometown nor Henki’s. Living in a BIG country has its own problem, although we are Indonesian, we are not “local” as long as the Balinese government office is concerned). Back to the “help” that we are getting, I am not sure whether it is his interpretation on God's words that makes him want to help couples like me and Henki or it is something more worldly. However, I am grateful that he wants to do it so that we can get on with life and process the next legal paper to certify that we are a family. (I can only see it happens during our next trip back in CNY 2018, if nothing urgent happens before that.)
From the simple Christian ceremony we had last weekend, we have finally had our classical wedding vow. We didn’t prepare it, the pastor helps us with that, promising each other to respect and love one another in good and bad times, in health and sickness, until death do us apart. I want and will hold on to that, even if I am not born Christian. With the blessing, love and support from our family and friends, hopefully we can make it happen.
Anyway, we are legally married now. It doesn't change anything in our relationship, except we have papers to show during raids. Blah~
After a year plus of marriage, we are already a better couple compare to when we started last year. A friend told me that the first year of marriage is the most difficult year. I did experience that last year. Some other couples might not. I am just saying based on my experience. I struggle with new routine in new place, with so little / no other family members around, with Henki's work that is going crazy with every promotion and of course with each others' habits that are easily overlooked during our 3 years plus of LDR before committing into marriage.
I am not saying that we have got everything "under control", because we are not and I have learned that we never will, but I can handle things slightly better than before. Marriage changed me as a person, I believe things have changed Henki too. Believe it or not, my family and friends have helped a lot in straightening some knots for me in difficult time, helping to see things from different perspective and get to understand marriage life better. This part of walk in life has been much relaxing walk because of Ajahn Brahm. I must give him this credit. I listen to his talk a lot and Henki has never prohibit me from doing that (Thank you!) and I will "force" him to admit that he sometimes listen and "enjoy" it too. Enjoy here means find it make sense and he will tell me that "Baby, do you hear that? You have to worry less." He is a much more "Buddhist" than I am. He lets go more easily and it sometimes irritates me. Because I have to do all the worry, although experience has repeatedly showed me that there is no use in worrying.
Our marriage is still “young”, seumur jagung in Bahasa Indonesia, so far problems in life resolved not because we visit the temple/church often, but because I want to make it work and Henki does too. Both of us have to let go a little bit of our ownwelf and learn to accept others as they are and help each others in difficult times. I also learned from something that I read/watch that sometimes in marriage it is good to be “deaf” as most of the time when tiredness and irritation set it, people said things that they do not mean, and lots of times, it is destructive. So, be deaf at times.
Ending this post, I want to express my disagreement about
the law that prohibits the interfaith marriage in Indonesia, because it
certainly doesn’t help anyone and doesn’t improve anything AT ALL. It plants the
seed in people’s head about how differences can’t live together. Some will
argue, it will be confusing for the kids if their parents are not the same
religion, how do the children should be brought up, in Buddhist way or the Christian
way? NONE. Children should be brought up KIND, LOVING, RESPECTFUL and
UNDERSTANDING. Lastly, once you brought them up that way, hopefully we are also
given the strength to love and trust them in making their choices in life, just
like how our parents do for us.
Legal,
Lin ^ ^
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