It happened that I fall into the last category. “Happy valentine’s day in advance!”
Writing this post today, I want to share about the feeling of being in a long distance relationship. So this is how it goes.
Things to have:
1. Internet connection. Make sure that it’s good so that you can see each other’s face when you are talking. You can see your partner laugh at your joke, you can see your partner react on your statement, you can see your partner’s face of disappointment so that you know what to do to make up for it, you can see your partner moving around and feel alive, and the point is so that you can see your partner.
2. A phone, a good smart phone. Don’t get those old dumb phones or those old smart phone. Everything comes with the word “old” sometimes worsen things. You know how an old smart phone response to your ‘touch’, slow! You know how an old smart phone tries so hard to get the 3G signal, weak! You know how you feel if you are interacting with something slow and weak, Irritated!
3. Time and Money! What’s that for? Tickets!!! So that they get you there, to your partner!
4. The Will. If you think money and time can make everything happens, you are so wrong! You have the time and money to travel to your partner, but the will isn’t there! Money + Time – Will = BS!
5. Keep the right friends around. For girls, keep those friends who can slap you when you are being a super-ungrateful bitch or a super-blinded-stupid girl and not those who will purposely light the matches around a gas station. For boys, remember girls out there can be dangerous nowadays, so keep those friends who will remind you to keep your pants zipped before someone gets hurt.
6. Trust! Have it and Respect it…
What happened during the process?
1. More than words! It’s not a song title! It’s the process of going from being together to being alone-together! You are alone, I am alone and we are together in being alone. To make the last one lasts, we need more than just words! It’s not easy to keep words! We promise, we first have all the heart to make it happen, to keep the promise, yet… life is unpredictable, so our words are thrashed and your partner will go to a mode of “i-hate-you-for-not-keeping-your-words” and a little drama, if the Will and Trust are still there, with Actions… then Love might be saved.
2. Down time! It’s not referring to the time you are doing nothing and not being productive, but the time you are thinking about how miserable your life for having but at the same time not having! No matter how ‘robotic’ you are, if you are still human, you will feel this, especially if the time is lengthy (= long time) Be prepared to deal with it! It will pass (finger-crossed, I hope it will always pass for me), but the process is shitty.
3. Clairvoyant can be tricky! With time, you will develop your skill in sensing without even have to see your partner. You roughly know how their mood without them telling you. Not everything is accurate! So filtering is a tricky task!
4. Game of good cop bad cop! You have to ask the right question to get the right answer. There are times you have to offer them some treats, cigarette or a cup of warm coffee. There are times you have to flip the table. Gotta do it right! If not, the smart phone is gonna hang up on you! Damn! Why do they have to have “END CALL” button?
5. Speak cautiously! It’s like a police officer arresting someone that will read out Miranda warning “… anything you do and say can and will be held against you…” the thing is that in this case you have no attorney to be appointed to you to defend you even if you can afford one! I can’t really further explain this point, because the things we say over the phone, over a social chat app may sound and be interpreted differently depending on the mood of the receiver. So over time, you will learn how to keep things and that’s not exactly healthy but on another hand you will have less fight over unnecessary things which sometimes may be necessary to keep some sparks and to keep the ‘engine’ HOT! Whooo… Tough choice? A cool relationship or a hot one? It’s like the waitress asking you “teh manis dingin atau panas?” Important question!
6. Learn to be together when you are together. Be careful with habit! Habit of not seeing each other in person, not feeling each others’ touch, not having someone in presence are things that you will get used to. And when you finally see each other, you will need time to adjust, be careful because you may like them virtually more than in person, just because of habit!
Doctor’s advices, dosage of usage must be consulted based on the personality of the couples:
1. Do things with logic, but make sure it’s a kind logic! Logic is harsh. It sometimes can bend the truth to fit the belief and that’s not very right! So do it kindly. No one says things will be easy.
2. Go with the flow but have end in mind. If you can see the end is to the sewage in Sampali Medan, Indonesia and not to the beautiful beach of phi phi island, Thailand, then change your course.
3. Communicate. No 5 above is going to happen with time. But still keep the communication as often as possible, as kind as possible, as transparent as possible, as much as you want to keep the relationship.
4. Know what you want and to read the sign. Listen to your heart! Do not deny it! It is often right.
Looking at the sky, I once wrote:
Love…
It should be like the sky with no end.
Although sometimes it’s covered with dark cloud, it apparently will clear up.
Although it sometimes rains, it’s how rainbow is formed.
I love you baby…
Easier said than done, still… it’s how it should be…
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