Had a meaningful conversation with someone today, although it has no definite ending, but I hear myself saying things that I need to hear. I said “I know what I want in life given the possible scenarios.” That moment I am pretty sure what exactly I want.
In life, it is an endless searching of identity and at the end as normal as all people can be, we want to be happy, don’t we?
There are certain big steps in life when you can’t ‘try the water’, you just have to get soaked and see what life gives you and for people who believe in God, greater power, we will be granted the strength to get pass it. Or to those who are non believer, we know too that things will pass. All will pass...
I think a lot before I decided to choose certain college, majoring in computing when I first graduated from high school. Apparently exact science isn’t my thing. Thus, I adjust my course and transferred to Business Computing. I graduated with a pretty good grade. Something I am glad to have to make my parents proud. That’s small achievement which I had put a lot of work into despite all the difficulties, language barrier, but I gave my best and my best had never let me down! That’s the good thing about dealing with yourself! When you know what you want, you just have to try your hardest and see where things go! We don’t beg others, worry about whether or not they will get the things done, we don’t have people to blame, we blame ourselves if things do not go right. However, the good thing is that we are always selfish creature who loves ourselves more than anything (no matter what we say to others, unless mother’s love, I guess), thus the blaming won’t drag too long. We find our way back and life goes on...
Then after graduating another part of worrying phase came again. Where should I look for a job? Should I go to Singapore or Jakarta
What I am trying to say here is that my life has not been going as I planned, and it won’t happen as I plan in the future, but I will live. I will put meaning into it. Right now, I will just dedicate my energy to those who trust me, family and students! At the same time, with little energy left in me, I still do not give up the idea to do little good thing for the community, to those who are really in need. I think we all who have the capacity owe it to that!
I do not know where this post is going... I just want to remind myself, to do things that make you happy and do not worry much. Uncertainty is the only thing that’s certain. Do not hurt yourself if the reason is just because you are afraid to hurt someone. You know exactly deep within your heart the thing and life that you want. Acknowledge that! You just have to have the courage to make it heard. No matter what it is, people who love you sincerely will be able to handle it... Have faith in them! We sometimes try so hard to make certain things work, while deep within we know that it’s just not going to, we are not happy with it... Someone said it right, we only have this one life to live. Make it count! Keep those who worth keeping! Kick out those whom you see have no part in your life. We need the courage to let go. We do not owe each other anything more than kindness. So be kind, even at times you have to be cruel.
We have to gather the courage and make a choice... That’s about life. It has always been about choice.