Lost-hope

I'm dying to write, but lately the negative feeling is clouding the mind. As always, the writing of the feeling of hopelessness are not meaningful. It brings out despair to the lowest level, it drowns us. Then, accidently logged in to another blog that I created and never get it updated since, there is a beautiful post there.

It's titled as : Happy Daddy's Day. It is like a reminder.

Long distance relationship is no joke. The people you think most, you care most, won't be always there for you. Likewise, you can't be there for him/her too when they need you. Then we hang on, to promises, but again If I see you next to never, how can we say forever? That's the hardest part!

For things to be solved, we communicate, we hug and you know things will be fine. However, when you are oceans apart, you can't do that. You just can't!

That's one of the things that have been occupying my mind.

Then, as we are growing up, our parents are growing old. I have vowed that Dad and Mom will be the priority in my life, as I have been in their life. I can't imagine myself married out and not around when they need me most one day. They just want me to be happy, their love is unconditional. For me in loving, as we receive, it makes us want to give more. That's should be how it works! I want to give them more!

That's another thing that have been occupying my mind.

How does both relate?
1. My parents will need me one day, for sure. If I am away, how can I do my duty, to be filial?
2. My partner will never have a good career in what he is doing now in Medan. I know it well. He knows it best! For a man, career is one of the top priority. I will not feel good in making him sacrifice. It will not be a happy ending.

So... that thought have been lingering in my mind for the past few months. I am a planner! I make sure I achieve what I have planned. Now not having a plan frustrates me!

It is unwise to ruin today's  happiness because the worry of tomorrow! It is unwise, but I just need reassurance that things going to be alright!

For me to be this sad, I must have been so happy before. Hope it will come back~

Lost-hope,
Lin