About doing what matters

Things have been going crazy in the country. I can't say it is totally bad, yet, it is bad, but again as in Yin and Yang, there is always a little good in bad things and a little bad in good things. This applies for human too. We will not see one perfect human who is all good  and we will not see one broken human who is all bad. At times it is the way we react to it that determines something.

Not only in Indonesia, things have been going crazy too for me. I have many broken electronic! I planned to fix my camera, It is a Canon, it still functions just fine, however the rotating screen doesn't displaying the picture clearly as it should be. With that, I cannot see whether a shot is good enough, whether anyone's eyes are closed, and so on. Before I have the time to get it done, my iPhone was broken, it got into a pool of water and was there overnight, and that affects the life of the battery and it got "hot" so easily. Surprisingly, it can still function as it should be, to call, to chat, etc. Then, the car which is perfectly fine, was sent to the repair shop to get some "maintenance" service done. I don't know what they have done, it somehow creates problems. One day, it wouldn't start, then after they fixed that, apparently the next day I notice that the headlight went out, then I have to get them to repair that too, then they did some "operation" to the car, and didn't fix the problem, I drove out with nothing fixed but extra problems, the radiator got so HOT and blew up and smoke came out, scared me to death. Then I had to leave the car there, and a few days after we picked it up, I notice many things in the dashboard (esp, the speedometer) were not right. I definitely not going back there. Oh yeah, other than what happens to me, Henki's phone was also died on him when he had a company photoshoot by the beach, as the ocean decided to give his phone a "bath". How many more devices that can get broken in our house? Have I mentioned that my 3 year old laptop like to shut down by itself? Anticipating anything bad from happening, I have backed up everything important.

That's enough about the trouble that we face and the country is facing.

It is about doing what matters now.

Reading and listening to Ajahn Brahm (again? YUP), I realize there is no use getting so nervous when I got into the car, afraid that it might fail me in the middle of the road, or about when will my laptop decide to "shut down" and never to be able be restarted again? I decide to just go with it until I know what to do best.

Same for the country, Politics as usual is dirty. Now, how about us thinking about what can be done to fix that? Many people want to be somebody and start spreading the words of hate, in the name of their God. A sentence can be interpret differently depending on the understanding of the person who read it, the mood of the person who read it, and lastly the intention of the person who read it.

Teaching the Mandarin class, I told my student you can ask your guests to wait for a while with the following sentence "please wait for a while", however, make sure that you say it gently and politely. You can make that words sound rude, by adding negative emotion when you are uttering those 5 words. That's only a 5 words sentence, imagine a thick holy book with zillions of words in it!

There is a Buddhist teaching that is very profound, it said "Learn from Everyone, Follow no One". Even in spreading his teaching the Gautama never asked the followers to just follow, he wanted them to think for themselves about things that he preached and decide themselves whether it is true or not. They/We all have that right and we are expected to exercise that. Don't follow blindly. We can definitely learn from everyone, I can even learn from the people whom I will try very hard NOT to become. In this case, if people are just better educated, things might turn out as it is.

Thousands of candles have been lighted to show people's support to something/someone, people rallies to show they disagreement about decision that had been made, even my students (at their age, I was still enjoying college and didn't bother about politics that much. Maybe because I wasn't in Indonesia at that time?) were so busy following the news and neglected classes that are going on. For this I wonder, will we make any changes with this?

Personally, I would like to look forward. I was thinking instead of busy following the news, why don't my students put more effort in the class (I know it is not the only place to learn), and better themselves as individual, so that one day they can do things that actually matter. News on the internet is always there, you can do it later, right? Also, parents paid a lot for them to have the opportunity to go to this "college", why don't they fully utilize this privilege? Isn't that one of the way to cultivate the good morale in oneself, what known as "appreciation"? Smaller scale to appreciate the effort of their parents, larger scale, to appreciate the work done by leaders in the society whom have tried very best to serve their people.

Also, I notice, those who don't have the habit to "appreciate", are easily intimidated by those in power. Take my students as example, they despise the management of the college, as there are many policies made are never in the benefit of their students. The school thinks that they have power over the students, they think they can dictate the students to do what they want them to do. So students take their "fate" as it is. In this case, they will "bow down" to the "unfair" management and then... express their frustration in "bullying" those who can be bullied, like the good staff and instructors. This is a very sad fact that happens everywhere where the "bullied" are bullying someone else weaker. Is that right? NO! The right thing is to stand up to what is right, to go up the chain and confront the bullies who had bullied them.

I am a very stiff individual, most of the time, I like things by the book. For I think I will try my very best so that others won't easily find fault in me. I know that it is always so easy to find fault in anything/ any situation if you look hard enough, however, do realize that we can also find beauty in any situation if we try harder.

Going forward, I will still be doing things that I know best. I want to share my passion, my experience and my little bit of knowledge about things that I know, hoping that it will have positive impact to at least ONE other individual and also to learn from ALL about the things that I don't know. I trust that what is right will always be right. Someone I respect said "Don't worry, Karma will get the Bastard." Oops...


Peace,
Lin ^ ^

P.S. About religion, your religion is not better than mine, however you can be better than me and that makes your religion good.

Legal!

Last Weekend, 30 April 2017, we woke up early in the morning (this is something extraordinary for me, especially during the weekend which I would not normally be woken up by the sound of alarm clock), and got ready to sign our paper. What Paper?

It's been 15 months since our wedding ceremony and reception in Medan and 13 months since our wedding reception in Jakarta, and you won't believe that we are still talking about our wedding now. Yep, it's our marriage certificate! After living in worry that we are going to get raids and be jailed for living together without a proper documentation of marriage (I am just kidding about the worry, but being jailed for cohabitating is real in Indonesia, there is a law about it), we are finally get our documentation done.

The question is why so late?

Here is my side of story. Marriage certification is not difficult to obtain in “normal” circumstances, it is easy and it is free now. Normal here means that you are marrying someone opposite sex or someone who have the same religion as you. By this definition, people who would like to have a family with those who are not the same faith are considered “abnormal” in our beloved country. Again, in normal circumstances, we just have to run here and there (RT, RW, Department of Civil Registration or locally known as Catatan sipil). to complete the documents needed before proceeding to the real deal in signing the marriage certificate.

My parents helped me getting my documentation done, such as declaration that I am still single by 3 level of officials back in my hometown, lots of waiting and queuing just to wait someone in charge to sign the paper, because they are busy, with nothing normally. As for Henki, he had to do it himself, so the only time that we have is during our trip back to Jakarta early this year for Chinese new year. Anyway, we got that done too.

Now, why don't we process our marriage certificate in Jakarta? Oh, because the country has passed the law that states that interfaith marriage is not allowed in Indonesia. WHY? Don't ask me. This is the most ridiculous thing ever. Many strong believers of a religion believes that interfaith marriage is not going to work. The reason is that every marriage will encounter difficult times, and in those difficult times, we normally will turn to our faith more than ever. Therefore, if a couple has different faith and belief, how can they resolve their issues together with the guidance of God? How can they go to the same temple/church/mosque and seek the guidance of the "holy" people in there to help them see things clearer and work their problems out?

Initially, I was hesitant to convert because certain things in other religion do not fit into my principles in life and I am quite happy with my current belief. However, with time, my belief told me that it doesn't matter what the paper said about me, but it rather how I feel about myself, that truly matters. With that and my parents' support (Amazing, aren't they?) I don't mind converting, if needed.

Government should note, I convert not because I want, but because I need to or I must. Consider the difference and revisit the relevant law, will you?

In order to be able to process legal documentation that certified us as husband and wife, we need to go through something called "wedding based on faith/religion" or known as Nikah Agama, which is our problem. To put it blankly, There is almost no church wants me because I am not a believer. And we can't get it done in a temple, because Henki doesn't want to hold an incense because he needs to maintain certain belief of his and to save him from explaining things to people that need explanation. Story short, "Almost" is the keyword, at the end, we are able to get the church to issue a paper before going to the next step of signing the final marriage certificate in the relevant government office (As for us, we register it under the civil registration office in Bali, not in my hometown nor Henki’s. Living in a BIG country has its own problem, although we are Indonesian, we are not “local” as long as the Balinese government office is concerned). Back to the “help” that we are getting, I am not sure whether it is his interpretation on God's words that makes him want to help couples like me and Henki or it is something more worldly. However, I am grateful that he wants to do it so that we can get on with life and process the next legal paper to certify that we are a family. (I can only see it happens during our next trip back in CNY 2018, if nothing urgent happens before that.)

From the simple Christian ceremony we had last weekend, we have finally had our classical wedding vow. We didn’t prepare it, the pastor helps us with that, promising each other to respect and love one another in good and bad times, in health and sickness, until death do us apart. I want and will hold on to that, even if I am not born Christian. With the blessing, love and support from our family and friends, hopefully we can make it happen.

Anyway, we are legally married now. It doesn't change anything in our relationship, except we have papers to show during raids. Blah~

After a year plus of marriage, we are already a better couple compare to when we started last year. A friend told me that the first year of marriage is the most difficult year. I did experience that last year. Some other couples might not. I am just saying based on my experience. I struggle with new routine in new place, with so little / no other family members around, with Henki's work that is going crazy with every promotion and of course with each others' habits that are easily overlooked during our 3 years plus of LDR before committing into marriage.

I am not saying that we have got everything "under control", because we are not and I have learned that we never will, but I can handle things slightly better than before. Marriage changed me as a person, I believe things have changed Henki too. Believe it or not, my family and friends have helped a lot in straightening some knots for me in difficult time, helping to see things from different perspective and get to understand marriage life better. This part of walk in life has been much relaxing walk because of Ajahn Brahm. I must give him this credit. I listen to his talk a lot and Henki has never prohibit me from doing that (Thank you!) and I will "force" him to admit that he sometimes listen and "enjoy" it too. Enjoy here means find it make sense and he will tell me that "Baby, do you hear that? You have to worry less." He is a much more "Buddhist" than I am. He lets go more easily and it sometimes irritates me. Because I have to do all the worry, although experience has repeatedly showed me that there is no use in worrying.

Our marriage is still “young”, seumur jagung in Bahasa Indonesia, so far problems in life resolved not because we visit the temple/church often, but because I want to make it work and Henki does too. Both of us have to let go a little bit of our ownwelf and learn to accept others as they are and help each others in difficult times. I also learned from something that I read/watch that sometimes in marriage it is good to be “deaf” as most of the time when tiredness and irritation set it, people said things that they do not mean, and lots of times, it is destructive. So, be deaf at times.

Ending this post, I want to express my disagreement about the law that prohibits the interfaith marriage in Indonesia, because it certainly doesn’t help anyone and doesn’t improve anything AT ALL. It plants the seed in people’s head about how differences can’t live together. Some will argue, it will be confusing for the kids if their parents are not the same religion, how do the children should be brought up, in Buddhist way or the Christian way? NONE. Children should be brought up KIND, LOVING, RESPECTFUL and UNDERSTANDING. Lastly, once you brought them up that way, hopefully we are also given the strength to love and trust them in making their choices in life, just like how our parents do for us.

Legal,

Lin ^ ^

Henki & Linda's first quarter of 2017

Can you believe that we have almost passed the first quarter of 2017? Time flies!

Here is an update of what's happening, nothing much but everything is good.

The first month, we did a trip back to visit both sides of the families in Jakarta and in Medan. We manage to get some paper done as well for Henki in Jakarta. Then, Henki stayed about a week in Medan before flying back to Bali to catch another flight the next day to India, Business Trip. I stayed back as planned for another week and happy to be home. They are still the best! I miss them now as I am writing this. But, I gain soooo much weight. Still trying to shed some more now.

The second month, February, Henki came back from India with a fever. Even with the fever he still went to work and half day after that I had to pick him up and sent him to the hospital. He was admitted for 4 days before coming back home and start working again. And a few days later, I was having fever (scared me to death, I just don't want to relive whatever happened at the end of last year), lucky with some rest I got better in 2 days and fully recover after a week or so. I was just too exhausted running here and there when Henki was hospitalized. But we are fine now :)

This month, March, for the first time since June last year, we got into the Ocean again, Henki as usual enjoying his time swimming far away from the shore, as for me playing by the beach side. I love the beach, I am not afraid to get dark, but I am scared too at the same time, as I always think that I am not good in threading water, thus.. fear has won over me there.

As for work, This month I have full attendance in each training group that I did. That means I am healthy. Yay! I am negotiating new contract too, hopefully get it done by early or mid next month. Finger-crossed!

Henki's work is terrible. I can easily say he dedicates a total of 60 hours per week for work. Although I can see in his frustration about so much things to do and the lack of human resource, I think he enjoys his current role in sales and marketing. He told me that he is more confidence and not hesitate to meet with people and get some deals done. Again in between his frustration dealing and managing the human within, he also enjoys dealing with some business partners and customers. I am so proud of him.

Oh yeah, something small and not important, finding things to do, I just started another Instagram account (@goingplaces_101) that features all the beautiful places that I had been and those places that I will be. Digging out old photos, gosh, it brings so much good memory back.

This year, I am anticipating 4 things as of now; getting our marriage cert done (Oops! Long story), friends visit in Sept 2017, our Japan trip in Dec, and lastly have dad and mom here in Bali again, still planning for a good time.

This morning we had a 6,4 magnitude earthquake shaking right underneath this small island. Fortunately, there is no serious casualty. I would like to thank family and friends who call me to check on me and Henki. We are fine. Bali is fine.

Peace,

Linda :)

The Beauty of Balinese

Those are Huge offerings for Special days

Almost 6 months in Bali, I seem to find something to do that I am satisfied with. I tried school, it didn't work out so well, as I found that no matter how hard I want to try to make things better, I was abided by the system, which unfortunately is good only in theory but not practical.

So, I am now back tutoring again. This time it is tutoring tour guide, Balinese guides. These people do not stop to surprise me in so many (good) ways.

The first is that they speak so many languages, maybe not fluently, but good enough to be able to take the tourists around. That's the confidence and willingness to learn that amaze me. Most of my 'students' speak more than 3 languages, they speak Bahasa Indonesia for sure, Balinese as their dialect and a little English of course, then Russian, Japanese, Korean and now they are learning Mandarin, as Chinese tourists is the growing market here.

They said they get confused sometimes, but they are getting used to it with each passing day. Improvement is what I seek, so I think that's great.

Then, last week, had the chance to chat about the tradition that is still well alive in the society; the Balinese praying ritual. Most Balinese knows 3 calendar systems which I think is more than common and makes it extraordinary (my family is conventional Chinese, we use the Gregorian and Lunar, I know how to read both, but many Chinese, especially the youngsters, feel Lunar calendar is useless, so they do not bother to get to know it more). Again, Balinese knows THREE, the Gregorian, Wuku and Saka.

Because of their "persistency" in keeping what they believe in, thus makes this land special. People who lives here know best that Balinese is very laidback, in a way. Most of them put their belief first than work. Thus, many of them will take a break from work (the chance to earn money and make so called "better" living), and do what they need to do "pray". We who live and work here enjoy the benefit of more holiday :)

After a few months here, I notice that full moon that comes twice every month in either Wuku or Saka Calendar, is the same like the Lunar dating system. For these 2 days each month, Balinese normally will have bigger and more special offerings than the usual daily offering that they made. And much bigger for many other special days.

If you ever stepped into Bali, these offerings are everywhere, in front of the house, on the street, in the intersection, etc. They call this "Canang", if I am not mistaken. It is a small weaved basket with flowers, incense fruits, etc in it.

Other than that, this ibu (my student) was trying to explain to me that in Wuku (that has only 210 days in a year) and Saka calendars combined, there are many other sacred days where they will perform ritual in honoring the good aspects in live or merely give thanks to the nature/things around us. Last week, they just had this Tumpek Landep day, and according to this ibu, other than giving things to "metal" things that has been so great in assisting their lives, making work easy (including cars, bikes, laptops, knives, etc), they also give thanks to trees that deliver fruits, corps, etc, they give thanks to animals too, and many more. Each day has its own name.

From my conversation with Balinese, thus working class level, including Grab drivers (Yeah, I use their service a lot and often satisfied), they acknowledged that they spend a lot of money on offerings, that include the "basket", flowers, joss stick and fruits (the biggest amount was spent on fruits), but they think it is something they are willing to do and must do to get that peace of mind, for themselves, for the family, for the community and for this goddess land.

I am quoting what the ibu said to me in regard to that matter: "This is something that we do from our heart. We want to do it. Foreigners, the non-native, may say things about what we do, and take it for granted. They sometimes asked why this land is so peaceful, but they never think that it is what the people do that contributes in maintaining the peace in the land. We, Balinese, believe what we do gives peace in this land."

That statement really hits me. And I believe and I wish they will continue to do so. I know that part of the belief has contributes in keeping the land beautiful (like keeping the building low, not taller than the coconut trees), but I never think about the peace. To think about it now, I have so much respect for them now.

I am not a super religious person. However, I can see how this belief goes well with the universe and among us as a 'humankind'. Again, Respect!

This is Bali at its finest. The essence of Bali is not in the luxurious beach club nor the night life, but in the beauty of its people. Most of these people respects nature, I don't get whistling when I walk around alone, when I get it, I know it is not from the Balinese, but rather people who come from another islands of Indonesia.

Coming from a city that is not always very safe, I was skeptical at first, when my partner left our belongings (in a plastic bag) or jackets or helmets hanging on our bike, while we shop for groceries (it can take an hour at least). I expect to comeback and found something missing, but so far, this place has never let me down yet. I am so glad about it.

If you ever read or hear a story when bad things happen during a night out in Bali, which happened to me too. Don't blame this place, don't blame the Balinese. Blame yourselves. I blame myself for putting myself in a place where I know no good things can ever happen. If you ask me "is it okay?" Of course it is NOT, for me. Although some people are okay with that. I am in another group. Since I can't do anything and can only regret and upset about it endlessly, which is no use at all, the only thing that I can do in the future is not to go back. So, if things, unwanted things happen to you in Bali night club, don't blame this place. Acknowledge the fact that most things happened are not caused by the Balinese, but the people, often (or maybe always) the nonnative and foreigners (NOT the Balinese). So again, don't blame this place and its local.

The tourists and the non locals (like us) who need to behave and learn a little more respect to this land. This place and its people are undeniably beautiful, peaceful and kind.

From the Beautiful Goddess Island of Indonesia, Bali..

My Version of Living in Bali

One sixth of 2016 has passed, here we are in March. I haven’t set a goal or anything this year, as I am quite busy (I know… no one believes that a full time housewife, with no kids can be busy). Never ask us to explain, because there are no words to better express our work in making a house home, even the small space we are currently living. It takes effort so that when the sudden hunger hits in the middle of the night, there is always things that you can process to satisfy your hunger.

So here are my 40 days in Bali, my 40 days without doing anything that requires me to answer and report to anyone.

Here we are in Bali, Beach is something that a must and given the 40 days which equal to almost 6 weekends, we have visited a few different spots in Bali. Don’t ask me if it is nice, it is always nice to be out and have some fresh air (fresh air here includes the pouring rain). It is just nice to look at the vast horizon and no building blocks your view. It is always breathtaking for me. You know me, I am impressed by all the little thing and I take that at as a blessing. Isn’t it tiring to always live with no satisfaction towards anything that you encounter?

And I am setting a goal that we are going for 24 sunsets within a year time at 24 different locations in Bali. Someone has to do the thinking where to go J I, on another hand, will work on the compilation of photos. Teamwork!

 

Food is another good thing here. I am easily satisfied with food, someone isn’t. However, he manages to be impressed by a few restaurant in town. If he is impressed, I am in heaven! It is whole different level of satisfaction. One of the restaurants that made me fly is La Finca. Gosh… the Spanish food there is superb! I also enjoy sitting at Envy, one of the restaurants in Holiday Inn Resort Baruna Bali. When the weather is friendly, you can finish your lunch and just sit there sipping your afternoon tea and listening to the sound of the wave breaking and practically just do nothing! I super love that! The price at La Finca is quite expensive, so that’s once in a while treat. However at Envy, I think it worth every penny you spent! Medan won’t have this kind of quality food, while Singapore will never have the serene ambience. Bali is Good!

 

The good thing of being together is that we are together. Many things that we did a lot alone last few years, we are able to do it together now, that includes simple thing like breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now, morning breakfast and coffee is a must, while dinner at home has become a test and reward moment for us. It is a test for me whether I am cooking well, and it is very rewarding when someone else finish it and ‘clean’ their plate. Those time and heat in the kitchen is made worthwhile. It is also rewarding for the consumer who come back from work and able to enjoy good homecooked food. Isn't it home definition in the most conservative way? Surprisingly I have done quite well in Chinese food, I think. But I wonder if I will ever be able to master the spices used in Indonesian food. I am really clueless.

 

Even in this beautiful Bali, there are days that we just spent lazing around, watching movie, sleeping at home, and do nothing. It is the ordinary day when both of us get to recharge our body and be ready for the upcoming week. Someone was even very kind to buy me the spa session for my birthday while he was working hard a few weeks ago. Thank you, Baby… That was a very good experience!

 

I am also introduced to many different sides of the city, especially the habits of the locals. I gather that Balinese is more polite than people from other cities in Indonesia. I also awed by one of the 'profession' here. It is the seller and buyer of gold jewelry by the road side. They will just have a chair along the street, about 10m -15m distances from one another, and they will just sit there the whole day waiting for people to come to sell their gold jewelry (and maybe something they sell too). That’s pretty boring kind of work, and I wonder if it can give them stable income, but looking at the number of people who do that (sit and wait), I guess it does generate money!

 

Another big thing that I am waiting for is: Nyepi, known as “Day of Silence”. I didn’t know much and not bother to find out more before, because Nyepi is just another public holiday when I resided in another city in Indonesia. This year will be different. It is just two days away, we have already received a notice from the apartment management to inform us not to turn the light on and keep it very quite on 9^th March, from 4pm to the following day. We are also asked not to go out of our house. My partner told me that it will be very quiet that day and everybody who lives in this island, whether or not we are a Hindu, we got to respect that. Even the airport is closed! The night before the Nyepi, the New year, it is said that there will be ritual on the streets while they carry a huge statue (ogoh-ogoh), before actually burning them, this symbolizes the burning of the evil spirits. I have seen quite a bit of them in some of the temples that we passed by, and I am really excited about it. I wonder how it will turn out that day, will it be boring or serene kinda day? But it is always nice getting to know other cultures. It might be similar to the Konghuchu, or it might be totally different, the most important thing here is to respect.

So… here is a glimpse of my version of Living in Bali.

One more thing, I initially planned to take a few months break here, but not doing anything (cooking and house chores excluded) are a bit boring. So I am starting my teaching again by end of this month. The challenge is not in the work itself, I am pretty sure I will do perfectly fine or even good. The challenge is getting up early. Instead of teaching private class, I am teaching at school for real now. The bad news is school start at 7.15. Wish me luck! Next month, I am wearing a few hats at the same time, I am a teacher, I am a wife, and I am a daughter! A few responsibilities on shoulder, but I would like to do all well. J All the best~

Learning in the process of Tutoring





Everything starts winding down. In a blink of eyes, we have made it through another school year. My students are going to the next level of learning; some are changing uniform soon, stepping to what so called teenage-hood, starting their first year of high school. Am always anxious dealing with the ‘current’ teenagers. They are not exactly like what we used to be. Or so I thought.

However, looking at many of the students, I come to a conclusion that how kids turn up mostly depends on how they are being brought up. I have written it in another post about 2 types of parents. Here I would like to focus more on how the daily things can make a difference in the development of a child. I read about the cognitive development theory by Jean Piaget. It is stated that children go through 4 stages as they actively construct their understanding of the world. There are 2 processes underlie this cognitive construction: organization (how do they separate important ideas and less important ones) and adaptation (how do they adjust to new environmental demands).

The first stage starts from birth to 2 years where they construct an understanding of the world by coordinating sensory experiences with physical and motoric actions, then the second stage from 2 – 7 years of age where they connect the sensory information with physical action, e.g. to know how long a stick is compared to another stick, they will try to put them together and come to their conclusion. The next level is a concrete operational stage (7 – 11 years of age) where they can do internalized mental actions, e.g. they can now compare the length of stick by just imagining putting two sticks together, without actually doing physically. Lastly, formal operational stage that starts from 11 to 15 years of age, where they move beyond concrete experiences and think in abstract and more logical terms. In this stage, they might think about what an ideal parent is like and compare their parents to the version of their ideal parents (I guess this is why I always think that the children who are just stepped into their junior high school year is more difficult to handle, while those in their senior years are already more ‘stable’ – again, stable in a very unstable form.)

Anyway, I encountered an incident with my student who is about 5-6 years old who make me think “What if a kid doesn’t go through the above mentioned stages properly?”

I have a student who had been sent for tutoring class since a very young age, as parents put academic above everything and another reason for doing it is because impatience to handle their own kids. So the kid basically seems like to skip the whole first stage of Piaget’s theory! The kid does not know how to put the book in a bag properly (so that the bag can be zipped), the kid doesn’t know how to wash hand with soap and wash it off properly, the kid doesn’t know how to operate a scissor, the kid doesn’t know when the pants are not worn properly.

Though he knows how to write, recognize characters faster than any other kids.

If given the opportunity to observe, I really would like to know what kind of parenting works the better. It is too immature to tell right now, although I know that I got irritated more because a kid can’t do what he/she is supposed to be able to do at his age than being impressed with the ability to do what his/her peers can’t do yet.

Anyway, that’s just me being me!

For myself, we were growing up in different environment. We didn’t have much gadget to play with. We were outdoor a lot, we were super active physically, we were not on tuition class as much as the kids now, if we did, because we wanted to not because we needed to, our parents involved in our playing time too as much as they can, they were home a lot (we were privileged to have a shop just outside our house), we had our dinner together and we do not rush through it for homework or TV programme, we had seen a real cow, pig, turtle, goat, rabbit in our daily life, LIVE, not virtually through internet or TV.

So as a tutor I am still trying to understand many many things, try to understand how things have evolved.



Choice in Life

Had a meaningful conversation with someone today, although it has no definite ending, but I hear myself saying things that I need to hear. I said “I know what I want in life given the possible scenarios.” That moment I am pretty sure what exactly I want.

In life, it is an endless searching of identity and at the end as normal as all people can be, we want to be happy, don’t we?

There are certain big steps in life when you can’t ‘try the water’, you just have to get soaked and see what life gives you and for people who believe in God, greater power, we will be granted the strength to get pass it. Or to those who are non believer, we  know too that things will pass. All will pass...

I think a lot before I decided to choose certain college, majoring in computing when I first graduated from high school. Apparently exact science isn’t my thing. Thus, I adjust my course and transferred to Business Computing. I graduated with a pretty good grade. Something I am glad to have to make my parents proud. That’s small achievement which I had put a lot of work into despite all the difficulties, language barrier, but I gave my best and my best had never let me down! That’s the good thing about dealing with yourself! When you know what you want, you just have to try your hardest and see where things go! We don’t beg others, worry about whether or not they will get the things done, we don’t have people to blame, we blame ourselves if things do not go right. However, the good thing is that we are always selfish creature who loves ourselves more than anything (no matter what we say to others, unless mother’s love, I guess), thus the blaming won’t drag too long. We find our way back and life goes on...

Then after graduating another part of worrying phase came again. Where should I look for a job? Should I go to Singapore or Jakarta? Can I find one? Can I deliver my task? and... as you know... It’s settled... Then some changes in life, moving cities, new job, and that’s settled too...

What I am trying to say here is that my life has not been going as I planned, and it won’t happen as I plan in the future, but I will live. I will put meaning into it. Right now, I will just dedicate my energy to those who trust me, family and students! At the same time, with little energy left in me, I still do not give up the idea to do little good thing for the community, to those who are really in need. I think we all who have the capacity owe it to that!

I do not know where this post is going... I just want to remind myself, to do things that make you happy and do not worry much. Uncertainty is the only thing that’s certain. Do not hurt yourself if the reason is just because you are afraid to hurt someone. You know exactly deep within your heart the thing and life that you want. Acknowledge that! You just have to have the courage to make it heard. No matter what it is, people who love you sincerely will be able to handle it... Have faith in them! We sometimes try so hard to make certain things work, while deep within we know that it’s just not going to, we are not happy with it... Someone said it right, we only have this one life to live. Make it count! Keep those who worth keeping! Kick out those whom you see have no part in your life. We need the courage to let go. We do not owe each other anything more than kindness. So be kind, even at times you have to be cruel.

We have to gather the courage and make a choice... That’s about life. It has always been about choice.

18 months of Teaching

For almost 2 years of my full time teaching... I have met a few kinds of kids! I believe there are more out there. There are those who are eager to learn, those who are born smart, those who are artistic but not strong academically, those whose logic doesn’t work AT ALL, but have extremely good memory, those who are attention seekers, those who are hungry for praises, and many other more.

There is no one right way in teaching children. I once read about something that said when you tell a kid something, it doesn’t work, it may be you are the one who is a failure. Then, you try other way and he/she still doesn’t get it, again, the blame is still on you. You will always be the one to blame until the kid gets it! It is kinda true. Some teachers (including me) will put up our arguments saying some kids are just so hard to teach! Yes.... the word is “so hard” which means it is still possible to teach them, it’s just we have to try harder. Although try to be just, we spend a-4-hours-weekly time with them, and parents and school teachers spend about a hundred hours with them (after deducting 8 hours sleeping time daily), so the question is... we can try so hard within that 4 hours, if school teachers and parents do not put the effort to help, what power do we have?

 

Anyway, after 18 months, one thing that works for sure is motivation. It works BEST! Simple one... I always give a kid a sticker if they do well in the exercise that I gave when they do well in their test (yet... I always remind them the score is just the score, keeping in mind my how bad the school system nowadays is... not better than what I used to get before... lots of them are memorizing without understanding). The sticker works really well! The kids put more effort to make sure they can get an extra sticker in each meeting which at the end when they have collected enough, they have the right to pick a small present from my collection, from stationery to toys.

 

The problems only occur when the kids have so many in their possessions that they don’t see the need of putting effort in getting those small prezzie from me. I can’t do much. So to parents out there (I am not one yet, but I would like to remind myself, when I were to be one someday), please please please make sure to encourage your kids to put their hardest effort to earn something that they want/deserve, even if you can provide it to them easily. This may be valuable in the future.

I too realize that this stickers-collecting gives a lesson of “fair competition”, a good mom help me with this. So here is the scenario, I had a “beautiful” hello kitty shelf in which they have to collect more stickers in order to get that. There were 3 kids (2 are sisters) who were interested in it, so... the 2 sisters asked me if they could combine their stickers and got the hello kitty. So my idea was if they wanted to combine, they had to ‘spend’ more stickers on that. If initially I need 30 stickers from a student, I asked 40 from 2 of them, 20 each. Then they went back and discussed about it. The next day, the elder sister told me that they weren’t going to combine their stickers, because it would be unfair to the other kid who was working alone in getting it. Bravo! What a good lesson~ J Good teacher alone can’t really do that, Good parents do!!!

I mentioned I have kids who are artistic and not academically strong. She is a girl who is really bad in memorizing, but she made me a 3D paper house, she jumped in to help whenever the other kids need some favors. I really do not know if it is always good, or she is just being busy-body, but I know for sure that’s her at her best, which cannot be graded in the report book at school. What can I do to kids like that, while school nowadays requires a lot of memorizing and not understanding. She is definitely not a failure although grading in school had ranked her as part of a few underperformed students.

 

Conversely there is another boy who is extremely good in memorizing, but has no logic AT ALL. He doesn’t know how to form a sentence that say “We had a running competition today and it was held on the fifth floor”. Instead he told me in a few sentences with broken grammar (even in his own mother tongue), he said “we run competition. on the cloud (to indicate that it is high). Yesterday, Thursday (not even know how to say “just now”).” This boy is eager to learn. He has never been lazy-ing around, although sometimes I can see he is tired and day-dreaming, but he has always showed up, even when he was sick, by choice!

 

There are no perfect kids/individuals. Being parents are not easy either. I am trying my very best not only teaching the kids things they can get in their textbooks. I want the kids that are with me now, would know how to be polite, be kind, and be hardworking. Hoping that the society they are in now don’t get them down, instead let them be the light to their parents, friends and people surrounding them! Yoohooo... as cliché as it sounds, I really hope that! :)