Half A Year

It has been six months since our wedding. We finally do not call ourselves newly wed and he doesn't introduce me as his "new wife", just "wife". =D

People say first 3 months is honeymoon period. For us it is quite true, that's when I just first move to Bali and enjoying my "downtime" with no work (after last few crazy months juggling work and wedding preparation last year), that's when the industry he is working in was in its slow period. So, no pressure in life and it is something that people called as bed full of roses. Then, I started having enough with down time and wanting to get back in action (unfortunately finding the ideal one isn't always easy), and for him, work is starting to get crazy. That's when as individual we were dealing with our own stuff and affect us as an "us". First quarrel in our marriage life had finally taken place, and I am glad that we got through it. At the end of each quarrel, we normally find out the truth isn't always as bad as our assumption that get us into the quarrel mode.

I am learning so much here. I am someone who is impatient. I see unfinished stuff, I will deal with it until it is done. I like to start things and get them finish as fast as possible. I set goals and I would like to achieve it fast. I found that this kind of spirit is good in a way, but has its many drawbacks in many ways. It often drains me, physically. And when someone is tired, you know how they get irritated quickly over the tiniest matters. In marriage life, patience is the best of friend that we have to make. So I am learning.

He is learning too. He has always been a very hardworking man and takes his work seriously. It is what makes me fall in love with him in the first place (we always like people who talk about his work with shining eyes, don't we?), but it has its drawback too. Anxious about doing his job well (especially the new position he is taking on), he has been working 12 hours or more daily and come back home still reading articles to improve his knowledge about this new field he is in. Human is not designed for that long hour kind of work. At one point, that person will crack. I made this known to him, so that he didn't get lost in the process when trying to excel in work. I want him to realize that many other important things to in life. I can see him trying too here.

For me, I can't stress this enough, to the people whom I work with now when they would like me to commit more of my time to work, I make it known that my family comes first now. I want to work and will definitely give my very best in it, as simple as coming home preparing dinner and make the house Home(!) for us. I would like to recreate the family I come from where dinner time is bonding time. Eating out is good, but home cooked food has its own meaning to it. So, this family has my full commitment. However, I know that I cannot do this alone.

All in all, 6 months of marriage it is not always a bed full of roses. However, it is important to count the blessings and make use "the truckload of dung" as Ajahn Brahm calls it, carry it around your pocket and let it stink or use it as a fertilizer.

Here I want to count my blessing in this marriage life.

He has provided me with the liberty to be picky about work I do. I teach only to channel my passion about sharing things that I like and the good news is that I don't have to do it full time. I can use the downtime to write (something I love and rather good at ;p) and who knows where this will lead. Future has been uncertain for me, in term of work, or maybe in all aspect as how life should be, uncertain! :) 

I thank him too for granting all the little things and wishes that I have, the need for beach time, rice field time, spa time and good meal time over the weekend. This might be the biggest little things that I appreciate, the little things.

Lastly, I thank him for being patient with my cooking and hey, I get better with time. =D He used to not eat the strange tasting food I cooked, which at the end I am responsible to finish it), but I think he now learns that for him to eat the most unsavory meal that I prepare means a lot to me. So he eats them now, although I can still tell from his face that he just want to finish that one meal fast. Haha... Okay, I don't like to fail in my experiment in the kitchen too and guilty for serving it. But I can't throw the food away, while many people out there is dying out of hunger. Unless it is something that is very unsalvageable, then no food gets wasted in this house. That's the rule! So, that's great act at his part to bear with it now! (FYI, I serve something good too from time to time, really good ones) =D

However, I hope he learns to wait patiently! He is super bad at these. I don't like to wait too, that's why I get many things done myself rather than waiting for someone to do it. Or at times, when I thing people are just not doing their job and caused delay in the whole process and cause us our time, I will just make my complain heard to the relevant person in charge! No use in getting irritated at yourselves and the situation and worse people around you! However, I know that in life, there will be many things that require us to just wait patiently and nothing else, unavoidable ones, like doctors, queuing in cashier counter, in the restaurant for food, even when accompanying someone to do shopping.  These are the things that are not going to get better. For now, we are waiting to see doctor for ourselves, in the future we are going to wait for a doctor to see one of our family members, and getting sulky about the waiting time, will only make things move a whole lot more slower than it is.

All in all, in our marriage life, both of us need to learn and forgive a lot (the lighter part such as forgiving the unsavory food. haha, the serious one such as the comment we made to each others when we are busy, angry or sick. I think things happen, have seen my parents quarrel, never so bad, but they did and still grow old together happily. So, I hope we can too =D).We too have to learn to understand that things are not always good. It is life, sometimes we are up there and sometime we are down and bruising. I too believe, there is nothing call "time-off" in marriage. Once you take that time off, you are as good as 'fired'. It is like you are leaving a company when it needs you the most. Why does the company have to retain you when you decide to come back only when things get better? They can survive without you in bad times, then they don't need you. Maybe that's the closest analogy (or does it even make any sense?). I am trying to say here it is good that we leave far apart from our relatives. When we quarrel, we have to face each other. We can't run to others to find companies. Third party in a quarrel isn't always good thing. Have witnessed and heard that kind of stories and it doesn't always end well.

I am learning to stop expecting him to do certain things that he is not built up to do, such as receiving a bucket of flowers, candle light dinner or anything that you can expect from a "romantic" man. I have to live with this unromantic man that I married to, that I want to build a family with, and intend to grow old with. The closest thing we do as a couple is buying matching motorbike jacket, that's for practical reason. Blahhh...

Someone said it right I think, that marriage is like filling things (like love, care, forgiveness, kind words, understanding, happiness and many more things) in a box (called home). Sometimes you have to take things out because you need it but you know when you stop putting things in the box and continuously take, the box is going to be empty one day. Simply put: "Give and Take".

We have a long way to go. 6 months is short, we have another 60 yearas ahead of us. =D

 

So Much Love,

Lin ^ ^