Almost every week, I see the post on Social Media about how corrupted the kids/students nowadays. We ask "what is wrong with the kids nowadays?'
Maybe that isn't the right question. Maybe we should ask ourselves "what have we done wrong in educating our kids?"
Although not all (there are always the good ones in those extreme bad ones), I see the difference in value of my generations when we raise our kids. We mostly try to create children that are capable, we need them to be able to survive in the society that is getting more and more challenging. Darwin's theory of survival of the strongests maybe is the foundation in disciplining our children.
Unfortunately, in that process of becoming capable, our innocence children who if guide well, will turn out just fine, see the needs to make their parents proud in "winning" things that they don't always matter, like winning arguments. Sometimes parents are proud when their kids are able to defend their opinions from people like their grandparents about having cellphones at young age, for example.
Parents think that their kids have a point, when their children who are still in primary ask for a cellphone of their own, those in junior high school ask for driving lesson, and when they are in senior high school, parents even encourage them by presenting them with their own personal car, sometimes the brand of their choice when parents can afford it. There are even worse ones who think maintaining certain lifestyle to help them fit in their society by all means are important, for example; borrowing money! If the latter is the case, what do we expect from our children? Fitting in isn't always the most important thing. Being with people who accept you as who you are is what matters.
We justify our action in doing that for so many logical reasons, like; convenience (when you need to check where they are, you can call their cells, they can drive themselves to school, it will save you the trouble of sending them) or most of the time because of social status.
So, when the old fashioned grandpa and grandma make a comment on that, parents will genk up with their kids and make a joke of their outdated grandparents. Make them feel bad about how the world has changed (has it?) and how outdated they are. How nice?!
This kind of thing happens to me before. When I was still in high school, living about 11KM away from school, my uncle would arrange a car for his 3 kids and a few nieces and nephews including me to send us to school. Normally, the driver would drive. However, there was a time, when the driver was sick and as usual my dad would replace him and send us to school. That particular day, my dad was not feeling well too and when I arrived at my uncle's house, my grandma was somehow so irritated that my dad wasn't there yet to drive us to school and she started scolding me and calling my mom. Being a teenager, I do not like that kind of attitude, I expect her to understand that my dad wasn't feeling well and she should not have scolded me or my dad. It wasn't our fault! So I ran back home crying and skipped school that day. Thinking about it now, I feel silly! My dad, on another hand, drove my cousins to school.
My mom didn't support my behaviour, but maybe deep down she understood my anger, but she didn't tell me that it is right. In fact, what my dad did after being scolded by my grandma showed me a very important thing in my family, respect for the elders. Slowly, I understand how thing works. It seems like the general rule in the family.
Up to now, my grandma being the oldest in the family has all the respects that she deserves from her children and grandchildren. There are times that I can still see she isn't always the best in making a rational decision in her actions, however, her children like my mom, aunts, uncles, or even her sons and daughters in law know where they stand, thus they always show respect and love her in their own ways. We always say, our grandma is the most luckiest grandma on earth! She has more than 30 grandchildren, more than 2 dozens of great grandchildren, however her rank in the family is always the highest. She is the general in the family :D
I can see my dad likes to hang out around my grandma, even though he doesn't always have topics to discuss with her, or sometimes even get scolding from her, he is always there when my grandma needs him to drive her around to run some errands. For me that doesn't show weakness, that shows greatness, how big his heart is.
I think I can make the connection of all this respect my grandma has. She was treated very badly by her mother in law, my great grandma. my great grandma didn't like her somehow. She forced her to work hard and did all sort of things that no daughter in laws nowadays would have ever done for their mother in law. But my grandma was patience and her kids can see that great value in their mother, thus the respect now.
The respect that my parents, my uncles and aunts, have for my grandma teaches us to see the good in our parents too and thus, the respects and love we have for them now. I hope we can maintain this and do not get lost in our way, like many of our peers have.
I am still rebellious as ever. Once, I stormed out from my aunt's house because she scolded me over something. Again, my mom didn't think what my aunt did to me is right, but she didn't support me either. Over time, I learn that she has her own reason for doing the thing that she did and I am younger so I should greet her and hold no grudge the next time I see her. Things turn out well and I can see my mom is super proud of me for that. My aunt does the same thing to me too. She holds no grudge, she expressed herself and be my aunt again. She helped me a lot on my wedding day. That's her love for me, as a member of a family. I love her too for being kind.
I have seen parents who laugh when the kids are acting up and disrespect their grandparents, and I am feeling very upset by it! I pity the grandparents for being treated like that and I am waiting to see how will the kid turns out.
Do you see how things work? For me it makes so much sense to show our kids this little thing call respect. Never thing that when we spoiled our kids by approving all their behavior, always stand by their side and not guiding them are the right thing to do. We might thought that they will be able to see how "good" we treat them and we believe they will return it to us. However, in the process of us being good to the young ones, we might have hurt our elders and the good news is: the kids can see that too. So, don't be surprise when the time comes for them to have their own kids, they will standby their children blindly and lose sight of the importance of their parents, YOU and ME!
When this happen, do not say "Why do they do this to me, while I have always given all the things that they want?" I know the answer for that. It is " You have neglected the part about showing by example. The young ones will say: "If you can do that to grandma, why can't I do it to you?" "If you have never showed respect to your own parents, why should I?" At this rate, we know we have failed.
I am not a parent yet, and I believe it is not always easy to practice what I see and say at this time. However, the realization that the thing above is what missing is very important. This is a reminder for my future self when I am blessed enough to have children of my own.
When I was tutoring, the semester report that I sent to some parents always said: "Teachers like me can only do so much, however, what matter most is Family, Parents."
Show them the right thing, if you want them to do the right thing.
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