2018 - A Year of Strength & Love

My last post was about a year ago. I have too many social media to maintain. Not necessarily mine. It was one of the work I do now. So I really find no time to maintain this one.

Anyway, some important moments are recorded in Instagram, so that one day I can look back and be reminded on that particular day, special and important days.

2018 has been challenging for Henki and I. But I would say we come out of it stronger than ever.

March, Snorkeling under the Majestic Mt Agung 

It was a life changing year to both of us. I can't even judge for myself how it really had been.
So we are starting the Jan 1, 2018 in Japan. In Shibuya to be exact. That night no fancy dinner, we had had almost 8 days of Japanese meals by then and we finally found ourselves inside McDonalds, eating its burger, facing the window, looking out to the Tokyo street. Nothing sorry about it. It was quite a good meal. And a memorable one. We even thought about having McD again in Bali last 31st Dec 2018. :p

Going Back to Routines
We went back to our routines. Henki at his (old) office, swamped with works and tackled it well there but always drained coming back home. I (master) juggling in between "Office" works and housework. Enjoy both and am getting much better at both now.

Proudest Ama

We did our trip to our hometown for CNY. I spent longer time with Grandma and decision that I made scarifying all the meet up with friends in Medan, but will do it all over again. Because that was my last time holding her hands, sitting on the floor beside her bed, accompanying her sleeping, while I did my work on my computer. Helping so little to ease her suffering from lost eyesight and movement ability. She passed away in June 24, 2018. I didn't make it home for her funeral. I cried my heart out every single day until her funeral day, but no regret at all. Because when she lived, I have been there, as much as I could, as a married granddaughter should be, be in service to my own family like she always did and I know she understood.

About a month before that Henki has lost her a po too. I had never gotten the chance to meet her. We lost both our last grandmas.

Then the new routine...
Life was as normal as it can be until one day in May, Henki came back home late, looking sad and never to return to his (old) office for a real work anymore. He resigned, decided to reject all the offer that the company tries to give him. Just like that the year that he thought his team will bring the company to achieve its budget, Gone! His team threw a  farewell dinner for him. The team that he is super proud of, not only for the job well done, but for all the goodness in each one of them that he can now call friends. When it is official, I cried, angry, not sad. As I think he deserved better. He stayed strong, at first.

From here I learnt, Good? Bad? Who knows... Life keeps moving forward. We learnt so much during the 7 months he was home with me. I hope the lesson stayed with us, forever, because it is so valuable. Looking back, I don't see it as a total bad thing, I have never lost my pride in him, nor respect. Of course there are times when it was super hard, when I was tired, hormonal changes in certain period of the months, but we got through it, loving more than ever. I think.

He got the chance to rest after a long 5 years working like a cow and a horse (... as the Chinese saying) for someone and an institution that I have long thought do not deserve him. In between my feeling of insecurity at first, I find peace and I find so much strength in me. I am my parent's daughter. No Doubt!

Life Changing Moment
If that was not life changing enough, we encounter another life changing moments in the last quarter of our 2018. Only those who love us enough know how we struggle through it. You who do not know, might not strong enough to handle this news. =p As usual, I don't stay long dwelling in misery. My reaction is always stronger than Henki, but I recover much faster too. Henki recovers from this too, eventually. We would like to thank all the people who stay loving us during the hardship and shines the lights at the end of the tunnel in driving us out of the darkness. It was not God. It is those People who has Godly characters in them. Who loves us as we are. They are family, they are some great friends.

Christmas Breakfast 2018

To say that those are life changing moments, I also would like to be reminded that life is always changing, no matter how small no matter how big the event is. 2018 has not been easy, but again as Ajahn Brahm said "Pushing the wheelbarrow is easy, Thinking about it is the hard part." This year I put that into use so more than ever, never losing sleep to worry, but to excitements towards ideas and of course some back and body ache because of hormonal change during the menstruation period. Blah!

To Summarize 2018, I felt loved than ever (not that I was not loved before, I have never lacked of love, NEVER, so full of it!!!) But this year, I have seen how our families and close friends been there always for us. And I have been proud to both of us.

Henki has started new challenge and I am sure he will conquer it, like he always does.
I, just living my life. Super busy and in need of vacation (going to get it in Feb) and grateful of all the opportunities offered this year and still coming as the 8 changes to 9.

Both of us are not religious, spiritual in some ways, but this year a few quotes had made the journey much easier for me, hope it will for you too:

- "Good? Bad? Who Know."
- "The devil says 'I kill just one. Fear kills thousands.' Fear NOT!
- "Know your worth and others' too..." You are not more and you are not less. Be respectful.

My dad and mom have super wisdom too for their almost 140 living years, combined, They said: "Human will not always be on top, there will be the time that we are low at the bottom. Don't have to stress it out. Have to keep being happy." So much love.

I hope you all will have a wonderful 2019, like I believe we will~

Til another new year?! =D

#2018to2019

Pendidikan!

Happy New Year ALL!!!

Telat yah? Tahun in nothing to recap, no grand resolution, kita jalani saja yah... 

Kemarin partner ku bertanya, “Kamu rasa mana yang paling asik, Setelah pernah bekerja di dunia medis, perhotelan, spa, restoran…” Sebelum dia menyelesaian pertanyaannya, aku langsung mau menjawab “sama saja...” Tapi begitu dia berikan pilihan terakhir “dan edukasi?” Jawabanku langsung berubah. “EDUKASI!” In tidak diragukan lagi. Personally, Aku senang berinteraksi dengan anak-anak yang pada umumnya masih polos, tulus dan tidak penuh politik (walau sekarang banyak juga yang sudah ter”polusi” oleh content-content di dunia maya yang mereka tonton).

Kenapa edukasi? Banyak sekali alasannya.

Mungkin pengaruh paling besar adalah dari Orang Tua. Mama ku yang sekarang sudah berumur 67 masih juga beranggapan kalau dulunya beliau diberi  kesempatan yang sama seperti saudara-saudara laki-lakinya, beliau percaya kalau akan lebih banyak kesempatan “emas” yang mungkin akan terpapar kepada nya, again who knows apa yang bisa terjadi pada manusia kan? Tapi memang banyak kebenaran didalam “kepercayaan” itu.

Aku adalah contoh paling dekat, lahir di kampung kecil, aku bangga dan berani bilang “masa kecilku bahagia”. Waktu dengan orang tua dan kerabat dekat itu tidak pernah kurang, dari sana aku belajar tentang arti keluarga.

Aku mulai masa Taman Kanak-kanak ku karena aku minta. Moving on sekolah dasar dimulai diusia lebih muda dari teman-teman lainnya, dimana aku sempat ditolak karena usia “belum mencukupi”. Tapi orang tua yang fight agar aku bisa jadi “anak bawang” saja, akhirnya aku diterima, aku habiskan tidak memusingkan masalah pelajaran, tapi practical life skill untuk anak-anak pada umumya, misalnya bersepeda, memanjat pohon, membantu orang tua, bersosialisasi dengan teman-teman yang berbeda suku dan agama (pertama kali aku belajar untuk tidak minder walau suku minoritas), dan juga menyelesaikan masalah anak-anak pada umumnya.

Tingkat selanjutnya, sekolah menengah aku lalui di sekolah baru di kota kecil tetangga. Adaptasi pasti, tidak hanya pada tingkat pelajaran yang lebih sulit, tapi juga belajar beradaptasi pada pandangan orang-orang kota kecil ini terhadap “anak kampung”. Ini tahap kedua aku belajar “bangga” karena anak kampung tidak ‘kalah’ dengan anak-anak kota dan yang aku sering bilang ke penghina “Kenapa? Emank nya air joman berutang pada kalian?” So much pride in that rhetorical questions. Tapi disini juga aku betemu lifetime besties! Blessed~

Selanjutnya pindah ke kota besar Medan untuk jenjang pendidkan lebih tinggi, percaya atau tidak orang memandang sebelah mata karena kami “orang kota kecil”, bahasa ku memiliki aksen “kampungan”, cara berpakaian kami tidak cukup stylish. Pengaruhnya ke diriku, tidak banyak! Masa kecil yang super, loving family and friends dan focusing on doing well in education, membuat aku tidak pusing dengan  pandangan rendah orang. Peduli amat! Aku sibuk dengan hidup ku yang banyak harus ku syukuri.

Moving on to Kuala Lumpur, for a better education quality, banyak juga tantangannya. Yang tidak bisa lepas adalah saat negara lain memandang mereka lebih tinggi, itu sudah pasti. Aku sudah tanggap menghadapi masalah ini, sudah dari dulu soalnya, kalau orang kisaran memandang rendah anak kampung, orang medan memandang rendah anak kisaran, orang jakarta memandang rendah orang medan, orang Malaysia memandang rendah orang Indonesia, apa yang kamu lakukan? Peduli amat, Proof them wrong. Di masa-masa ini aku belajar rasa nasionlisme, campur aduk akan "rusak" dan "indah" nya negara kita.

Untuk pendidikan lanjut, pada saat itu memang Malaysia bukan tujuan utama, pengennya Australia, tapi karena financial status yang hanya dalam kategori “CUKUP”, I grab that opportunity. Mom and Dad had to sell our car to get me my education! Sad, but I just have to be out from Medan. Oh.. jangan salah sangka, Medanese punya banyak kelebihan, kekeluargaan adalah salah satunya, tapi layaknya manusia, Medanese juga punya kekurangan.

Ke Kuala Lumpur, travelling sendiri dengan strangers dan tidak diantar orang tua. Wah, banyak sekali air mata yang bercucuran dan lebih dari itu Courage adalah yang aku banggakan.  Keeping my eye on graduating well, 2 tahun enjoying learning dan friendships, I graduated with first degree with honour and awarded as an outstanding student untuk major kami pada saat itu. All of those things for my parents. Masa kuliah itu, susah banget, banyak kentang dan wortel yang aku konsumsi karena mau hemat. Haha… Kerja part-time di mall jual sausage berdiri 8 jam sehari. Tapi dari masa-masa itu aku belajar juga tentang rasa syukur untuk teman-teman yang membantu, yang meminjamkan laptop baru nya agar FYP ku selesai sempurna, yang meminjamkan uangnya karena kiriman ku dari orang tua belum datang, oh.. banyak tenan yang membantu. Terima kasih.

Moving to Singapore, mencari kerja. Ini juga journey yang penuh air mata. Masa aku graduate adalah masa economic downturn, 2008. Traveling to Singapore dari Malaysia dengan bus dengan seluruh barang bawaan yang berat (I wonder how I did it), tapi disana juga banyak strangers yang membantu, offering to help me carry. Cried myself to sleep and woke up focusing on using what I have learned and earned di Kisaran, di Medan, di Kuala Lumpur untuk get me a job opportunity. 3 bulan dan akhirnya I landed ditangan yang benar, company yang benar, boss yang benar dan kesempatan belajar yang benar! Disini juga aku realize my dream untuk berilmu hingga ke negri Cina. I fund myself to have a taste of China. one of the BEST time of my life!

From then on, the education continues, in the people I met, in the places I visit, in the film I watched, in the books I read, in the problems I solved, in the problem I didn't solve, in the heart break I felt, in the positive feedback I received and so on. 

Untuk diriku Pribadi, pendidikan ku starts dari rumah, dari keluarga, gimana cara respect orang tua, gimana kita sayang dengan anak-anak tanpa memanjakanya, lalu ke society, gimana berdiri kukuh tidak memandang tinggi tapi juga belajar tidak rendah diri darimana kita datangnya karena pada dasarnya manusia semua adalah sederajat, belajar kalau diatas langit masih ada langit, dan belajar seperti kata papa hidup kita adalah roda kadang diatas kadang dibawah, belajar bahwa there is so much beauty in all the struggles that we conquered, dari keadaan sulit belajar untuk tidak pahit pada kehidupan, oh.. masih panjang pelajarnnya.

Balik lagi apakah semua hardwork itu berguna sekarang? I am not even “working” now.

Pendidikan untuk aku sekarang mungkin lebih dari bangku sekolah. Yeah, those are ‘fine’ time where we would be tested untuk lihat apakah kita menyerap atau hanya going through with the motion? Tapi bangku pendidikan formal itu tidak menunjukkan jalan untuk diriku, bangku pendidikan formal kalau di jalani dengan benar, itu sparks interest, memberikan sedikit rasa untuk begitu banyak hal didunia ini. Kalau you are fortunate enough, well-educated parents might know how to guide you towards one goal and one goal only. Tapi kalau seperti orang tua ku yang tidak begitu fortunate untuk mengecap pendidikan tinggi, yang mereka pun hati yang besar dan pikiran yang terbuka, mereka open enough to let me taste what they never had. Aku tidak kalah beruntungnya, karena aku diberi kebebasan untuk memilih. Even kadang salah jalan pun, tetap aja ada mereka di belakangku, ini karena mereka tau “Pendidikan (dalam segala bentuk) itu Penting”

Where was I?

Yeah… Aku masih milih dunia pendidikan sebagai yang terbaik yang pernah aku jalanin (dan akan aku jalani lagi), for all of the benefits it has for me and will have for me in the future. I want others to have their life changed because of “positive” education experience too.

Sekarang pun, doing marketing, tujuan utama ku adalah “edukasi”. Mengedukasi customers untuk think smart, buy smart and consciously make smart purchasing decision. (Maybe, that’s why I am a bad sales person!) =D 

May you have a blessed Sunday ~

#Ocehan

Teaching Mandarin to Children below 7yo

This is going to be one long post. I am not teaching or providing guidelines how to teach children, but I am sharing my experience. I have no degree in education or early childhood education and am no longer dealing with kids now, so you can say I might not be the most credible source that you can get, but here I am sharing my experience on what worked and what not, sharing my "brilliant ideas" and those ideas that I had to flush down to the toilet, sharing my love and frustration when dealing with those little creatures, particularly in teaching Mandarin. 

For teachers
1. Know where you want to be.
For teachers, it is important to be aware of what you are good at and what you are not very good at. I myself not good in a corporate setting, I can't deal with 'politics' in general, thus private settings are the best for me, because sadly I noticed that even at school, politics exist among the teachers. How many times in the past one and half years I was offered to go back to teach in school, I had to heavy-heatedly turned them down. Unhealthy, because so much of energy is wasted on that rather than preparing better materials for the students. That's just one of the reasons for me not to go back to the schools (might change in the future, who knows?). 

The other reason is that I might not be the most cooperative teacher in executing what's the schools/government have decided to do for the kids. Let's not talk about the curriculum in general, let's just talk about the choice of books used. Some schools did choose great books (in my opinion), but some others made the very bad choice, the first time I came back and started teaching, I was book hunting for reference books, but I am so disappointed and amused at the quality of the books published here in Indonesia. So many basic errors in the books. Just a few days ago, a neighbor showed me a book used by her kid, the title of the first chapeter is "你家的电话号码是多少？" I am not going into explaining the mistake, but for those who understand it is more appropriate to ask "你家的电话号码是几号？" The only difference is in the last 2 characters. This is just one of the mistakes in books that I have seen so far, we have so many more. Sad... 

I am one of those people who will want to set things right when they are not right, I do not like to bow down to people because they are my "boss". Not many people can take this, those who can have real big hearts to accept me. With that "bad" characters, I make sure I am doing my best in things that I am doing. When I say I teach, I will teach for the benefit of my students, not to help the schools to make money. Thus, again, private setting is the best for me, FOR NOW. Yeah, I am not very flexible and not grown up some people might say. That's fine. 

2. Know Your Strength
In general, I am bad in memorizing things. In Mandarin, I am bad in writing and memorizing thus beautiful idioms and proverbs. Thus, my Chinese isn't those "hi-tech" Chinese. It is very simple and conversational Chinese, layman Chinese. 

The report that I wrote and chosen to be presented when I was in China titled "美丽的上海", no fancy title, no fancy content, good enough to convey my experience and feeling, particularly

However, I am very good in "rationalizing" what others are saying, so listening is not an issue for me. I also have the benefit of early exposure to the language thus my tongue has no problem pronouncing words in Mandarin properly. I  also have to boast a little that I am very creative too (very useful with kids), but not very patient in certain circumstances (bad quality to have). Lastly, I  am childish, in both positive and negative ways. If I want to look it more positively, I can play like a child, thus this works well with kids. I like to play with playdough (which most kids like too), I like art and craft (again, most kids love crafting too), and if you ask me to play hide and seek I might be enjoying it too. Hahaha... But again liking is something, being good at them is another thing. That's fine! 

Contrary, in negative ways, I sometimes very emotional in childish way. There were two times that I can recall, I cried teaching my students, feeling disappointed and hopeless. Some other teachers might be able to handle the situation better than I was, and I admit that and learn from it. Realizing this make me realize that teaching children with special needs might not be my strength. 

In teaching, I think I am quite good with both kids and working adults. Somewhere in the middle, I am not quite sure as I do not have much experience here. 

Knowing my strength help me to perform better at what I CHOOSE to do. Now, I learn not to spend my time reading those books about how to master public speaking. There are only two ways in doing good in speaking in public (including teaching); 1) know your materials, 2) do it more often. All things get better with times. Listen to constructive feedback not those negative downgrading criticisms. I am learning to filter things more now. :)

Knowing your strength means to acknowledge things that we are not very good at certain things too. I know that we are all trying to make a living, better in doing the things we love, but please if we are not very good at it, admit it. I am not good in writing (as in writing the characters using pen/pencil, but typing and forming sentences, beautiful ones, I have no issue with that.), I will make it known in advance. 

By doing this, I think I am doing myself a favor, less upset tummy and stresses when I took up the job! I mean yes, we all can learn to be better, I can be better in my writing if I spend more time practicing, but I don't see the need for that now, as we type so much. But don't get me wrong, some others, depending on the nature of their works, might need to be good at writing. So again, depend... 

What I am saying here, if we are teaching conversation, please make sure we are good at it. Here, I'd heard a radio advertisement of one of the schools in Bali and no matter how many times it played, I would still laugh and feeling amused at the ads. The student speaks better Mandarin than the teacher. I firmly believe that is not the radio announcer, that's the staff/teachers from the school. I am feeling sad about this. 

Do you know why? I learn from my sister and niece that children do look up to their teachers. So there are times when teachers make mistake in class and do not bother to correct it, then it will affect the children too. There was one time my sis was correcting my niece's English, my niece insisted that the teacher said it's the other way and what the teacher said is RIGHT. After that I have to lecture my niece about think for herself about what's right and what's not. I am the tiger aunt after all. 

So, as our moral duty, if we are not good at certain things, admit it and learn from it and don't afraid to say "I am not too sure. Let me look it up for you about this." then Look it up and get back to the students. I have positive experience about doing this with my students, both children and adults. However, if there are some people who looks for the perfect teacher who knows every single things, remember that they have the right to do that too. Don't take it personally. 

That's for teacher. Now it's for parents.

For Parents
Parents have to understand that learning is a process, especially Language. For me it is a lifetime journey. If you realize even for our first language, we always get better with times, needless to say a foreign language. I always remember that when I was in China our home class teacher is one of the most respected on in that uni, he came in to the class with dictionary. When he wanted to give better explanation, he checked the dictionary. I respect him for that. He is our 黄老师。So while your kids makes a bit of progress in foreign language, don't feel hopeless. Remember that a professor and a native is still so humble to always bring a dictionary with him.

Parents have always one thing and one thing only to do that is to realize that Home is always #1 school for your children. 

Parents, sending your kids to school, to tuition doesn't mean that your responsibility is fulfilled. I owed it to some of my good teachers (at school, at work and in life) that I turned out well enough now as a person. However, the best teachers I have is still my parents, my home! 

Teachers of Life

Be more involved in your children's learning process, even in the things that you are not familiar with. For example, parents who do not speak Mandarin helps the kids in learning Mandarin. The best way to be involved is to give and get feedback from the teacher. Do it "moderately." As a teacher, I like getting feedback from the parents, I like when the parents said "she/he speaks to us in Mandarin and none of us understands" or when parents said "she/he is so scared every time coming to Mandarin class." I can work with those feedback. The first feedback means I am doing a good job and I have "easy" kids to deal with. The latter feedback means I need to adjust something in my way of teaching for that particular kid. The tips for parents, when giving feedback to the teacher is to be  as diplomatic as possible. Teacher is human too "Guru juga Manusia". Don't keep on criticizing, praise then gently criticize. We teachers take it better that way, or at least for me. =D 

This is  from one of the students who were "scared" when it's Chinese lesson. With parents' feedback and cooperation, she has done so much better at the end when I leave Medan for Bali. 

I learn this from my 3 years of teachings kids (not long but very valuable lessons I got), that the parents who are involved more in the learning drive me as a teacher to do better for the kids and in turn the kids perform better. Those parents do not care as much, shows less progress. At home,  always look for progress in your children and acknowledge that, even the slightest one. I have to learn this the Buddhist way, "Focus on the good and it will grow!" Be aware not to over praise though. There is trick in praising too. Some praise encourage, some other praises discourage the kids to do better. You need to understand the kids and the "right" way for them. Often, it needs to be customized from one kids to another. Parents might have a better understanding on this better than I am.  

Focus on the good qualities in each kid

Narrow it down to things that I have done in the past for kids under 7 years old, pick those that are suitable for you. Remember that "There is no exact science in teaching. Teaching is an art."

1. Write or Not to Write?
My interest in this was intrigued by a parent. I did my research and since then think logically for myself that I won't be focusing on teaching the kids under 7 to write , definitely not under 5. The most that I will do is to color (lots of it), while they color, we teacher can talk to them about anything, in Mandarin, training their listening skill. Don't think they don't understand, children understand all things in life better than us! (exaggerating :p) 

Coloring and teaching the names of objects, from here we learn about which kids have that artistic side, which kids are not. 

However, expert can say all things that they want, studies can show all the findings, but teachers and parents have to adjust the fact to the kids. If they want to, why not? But if they do not want, don't force. Especially teacher, do not threaten the parents about not advancing the kids to the next level because he/she can't write. This happens to my nephew. He is smart in so many ways, but not the kids who sit still and listen to "boring" talk of a "teacher". My nephew was still 5 then. Oh yeah, I was pissed! 

About writing, have you seen anyone who have been to school and can't write alphabets? You haven't right? Even those who have not been in school, when they are in the age when they have better motoric skill, they can copy every curve of the letter just fine. So don't worry about it. 

Forcing kids to do something make the kids hate it in the long run, and it doesn't benefit teacher nor parents and definitely not the kids. I learn this the hard way, I was a tutor before. Tuition is seen as a mean to complement the schools. Thus, I was trying very hard to prepare the kids to catch up the materials in school, which I personally despise. Then, I have a few kids whom I can see transform from loving to liking then to almost hating the subject, Mandarin in this case. It is something upsetting to see. 

If you are in school setting that provides you with books that need to be completed and there are writing elements in it, be prepare to fight! Know your subject and crystallize your goals for the kids and make it known to the school management/principal/head of department. Especially in Bali, Mandarin as one of the subject in school is just a way for the school to PROMOTE their school. Once or twice a week, half an hour session, for me it is good but FAR from enough. Especially for those kids who are still young, calming then down, warming them up for the session might already takes fifteen minutes, especially you are alone in charge of 20 plus kids. GOOD LUCK! 

But when come to the time they want to write, you can start from the very easy characters. Then tell stories about the Chinese characters. Stories always a good medium for kids (even for me) to learn things and remember them better. For this you can do research on the origin of the characters (as all Chinese characters are from logogram) or you can just make up your own to generate interest. For example, I sometimes describe 四 as a window with a curtain. The story evolves depending on the kids' interest. But some of the story must stay true and factual, especially those characters that will be used as the radical or known as 偏旁。So that your story is consistent and continuous to avoid confusion. 

Or for each characters you want them to write prepare some activities to go along with it too. Writing activities don't always have to be on the book, kids like to imitate the teachers. Ask them to step to the front of the class and write on the whiteboard with a marker, just like what the teacher (you and I) are doing. I bet they must be very very very proud and willing to do that. At first might not all are enthusiast about this, but I bet, when one starts, others will follow! 

Write and then do some activities

2. Listen, Kiddos!
They said even when a baby is still inside of a mother, they are already listening. Thus, some mom-to-be exposes the baby to classical music and say all the loving things to the baby.  

Language skill (not speaking ability) can apply the same thing too, in my opinion. Teacher should speaks more often to them, especially if the teacher is the only person who interact with the kids in Mandarin. Remember to use proper Mandarin.  

I am a firm believer of gathering as many vocabularies as possible for someone to be able to be good at one language. We can be super in memorizing the use of grammars, etc, but when you don't have the words to describe your feeling, all those grammars are at no use. Again, my personal opinion.  I personally like to repeat things I say. 

When I say "Zǎoshànghǎo" (good morning) to kids who first started their Mandarin lesson with me, I will repeat it a few times and translate and explain it to the kids first language. And as all greetings, I will want the kids to respond to my greeting too. This is where a bit of moral lesson is introduced. First you might not get what you want, it might take you a few tries if not a lot before you succeed. The key is to repeat what you want them to learn as much as possible, as early as possible so that it form a pattern and the kids will get it somehow. Thus it is important to introduce good things from the very beginning before the bad habits formed.  

For example, when I want them to learn to keep their own things in the bag, I will say "把书收在书包里”， I will then say "书包" and show them the bag, for them to make the correlation between words said and the object. This will NOT work just one time, do it every time you see them, it will apparently register. Warning: there are times when some kids do not even know how to put things in bag and zip them up properly, be patient. That’s another practical life skill lesson that you can help the kids with. So teaching Mandarin is never about just the language, at least for me. 

A bit of Science in Mandarin class. I too learnt here... 

To "shorten" the learning process, I often translate the words to the language that they are familiar with. "书包" = bag/tas. Again, say it a few times, especially when you first introduce it to the kids. Then REMEMBER to use that words you taught again in the next meeting, as often as you can, do it for about a week or a month (depending on the kids, the frequency of meeting) then observe. If they have gotten the ideas, use it as necessary only and you can do a review every end of the month or every other weeks, or whenever you think necessary. REPETITION is the key. It is teachers' job to decide how much you should repeat.  Other ways of learning more vocabularies are through songs and story telling or in Chinese we have 儿歌. In doing this, I am the kind of teacher who is very expressive, HEBOH in Bahasa Indonesia， both in my facial expression or in the volume of my voice. I am trained to "scolding" my nephew and nieces, so I am very LOUD. However, I need to acknowledge that some teachers can do it calmly, and still manage to convey the message and get the kids to learn, so find what works for you.

Every interaction with the kids are "extraordinary" for me. When I praise them with the word "wow" I don't just do "WOW", but I do "WOOOOWWWWWWWW!!!!" with both eyes bulging, in good kind ways. Oh I have seen some teachers who encourage with a very gentle "wow" and get the kids blushing and more encouraged than ever, so again personal style! Remember an art not an exact science.  

Start by focusing on those words that we might use daily. Forget about the kids must be able to count 1 - 10, must be able to recognize colors, etc. For, me, I first teach about whatever objects in their schoolbags, the things they wear, the things they need to say when they want to use the bathroom, the dustbin (kids need to learn not to litter), about the birds or butterfly that stops by in our house's garage or even the type of weather, or sometimes, I take out the content of my fridge and start teaching. 

If you insist want to teach color, then do it more creatively. Use all the things you have in hands. You can also ask the children to stand up and find things around the class/room that is in color that you are currently discussing. Children who do not sit still are normal! I am not patient about it at times too. But we just have to learn. But again, we can be firm about certain "rules" in class" and for all the "rules" followed, reward them with FUN activities! 

When the kids are not in the mood at times, I sometimes let them choose on what to learn, limit your option though, be firm about certain things, this motivates them and teach them to be responsible to what the things that they have chosen to do.  

In listening, better to have props to draw attention. I once was overwhelmed by a class of crying babies as the parents started to leave them by themselves in class, when I sang no one was interested. So, I get the idea to make a felt finger puppet, that are thematic and suits the songs. For example, I sew a few tiger finger puppets, one without eyes, without tail, etc to accompany the song "两只老虎”. As I took out the finger puppets, the kids are started to get interested, then promise them to play with it (and let them play with it, keep your promise), if they sing together with you and before I know it, they were singing louder than me!

I am not against gadget to aid learning. But I make sure I guide the use of gadget and limit them as necessary. When I want to show them a story, I make sure I don't just let them watch, I pause from time to time, then put the story in a simpler language and highlight on certain vocabularies in it before moving on to the next part of the story. Often I ask them to repeat the story for me, ask them about the meaning of vocabularies that I highlighted before. Repeat this until you think you no longer needs to pause the video, it's the indication for me that I am done with that story and need to find something else new. 

The pace of teaching is varied from one kids to another. Thus, even kids on the same level might learn different things in my class. This is a challenge for school teacher. Observe and see how the pace of the majority of the students and always prepare "something extra" for those who are slower or who are faster. 

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Gosh... So long... To be continued... Not all those things are gonna work for every teacher and definitely not every kid. So we all just can be more observant and put lots of effort in implementing what might works and be prepare to drop it when it doesn't work as expected. Oh yeah, my first session with a 2,5 years old kid was embarrassing, running around chasing her to look at the book that I had prepared, under her mom's watch. But this parent is a great one, and that 2,5 years old is one of my success story, someone who has boost my confidence and teach me what I need to learn.

All the best!!!

The many 'faces' of many things

Yesterday, as we riding our motorbike to get some afternoon snacks, we passed by a Go-jek rider. He was looking at his phone, then looking left and right (most likely looking for an address) and in that moment forgot to look at the most important thing on street, the traffic. I assume he expected people to notice him and to not hit him. But out of the many people who noticed him and had the time to make the rational decision to avoid hitting him, there are those, one or two, who might not, who were just like him, not paying attention to the traffic. Looking at that, I was a bit upset. At that moment, they are the hazard on the road.

But there are also many many times that Gojek services had helped me, and many others out there. Making things convenience for the users and very cost effective comparing it to the conventional version of "ojek".

Again, from the traditional ojek riders' point of view, Go-jek is the reason their income slowly decreases and their family might have to suffer a bit because of that. Go-jek and many others online transportation mediums are a form of betrayal to the country, its culture and to them, the rider known as Tukang Ojek.

That is only one matter that we are discussing, we can see it from so many angles, so many perspectives, so many different point of views.

To think about it, all things in life have the many faces. Depends on how we want to look at it.

Source: http://meetmisso.com/

I was just in "discussion" with my partner, in which he saw that not as a discussion but rather an "argument". That night he came home late from work and exhausted I assumed, then we were talking about something about his job, then I asked more questions in order to get more details so that I can understand the overall picture of the situation. Then, as I asked more questions, he was losing his patience in explaining things and got upset and gave up. I too decided not to "prowl" further and rest the case there. The next day he told me nicely that I shouldn't be arguing with him about things when he was already tired from work. I understand his point there. However, I also made it known to him that it is never me that irritated him, its his feeling. Because if I were to asked questions when he is not tired, he will patiently explain it and be more receptive towards different opinion on the subject we discuss and normally he will do a better job in getting the messages through.

And it is not in my nature to just go with whatever people say. My brain has its way of thinking too. There are times that we don't see things eye to eye, but I will make him admit that there are times my way of thinking "inspire" him. Voila!

In this case, what I expected him to understand is to be more mindful of himself and the questions I asked are never meant to go against him, it is just he and I most of the time have different ways of looking at things, different ways in getting things done. None are the best way, but it is a better way simply because we are comfortable about it. So, we cannot force one and only one thing to be the "Divine".

On other matters, about the performing the role of mothers. There are no one right or wrong way in doing it. Some women choose to stay home and raise their kids themselves, with many consideration. Some women choose to go back to work and pay for help to raise their kids and try their best to spend quality time with their kids whenever they can. Many women pro the first and many women pro the latter. What's best? Nothing is best. At that moment, when the option is made by them and the family, it is just a better option giving all their life circumstances.

Every and each one of that woman have their consideration and with it sacrifices they made. The first sacrifices their work life (many smart women stay home to take care of the family) and the opportunity to show their best in the career of their dream (you never know!), as the latter group of women have to scarify missing the most important moment of their children, the first words, the first step, and the companion they wish they can give, but unable to do so, when the children are sick. Some might say that it's an option. She can stay home when the children need her, but what if no one helps in putting food on the table? Who know that part of her life? You and I don't.

Then, about raising kids. Some prefer home schooling, some others more conventional way of education, send them to school and let the professional, so called Teacher, to do their job. Which one are better? None! All have its pro and cons. You choose yours and let others choose theirs. Don't judge.

Sex before marriage with your partner? It is your choice in life. We are all grown up, we know the consequences and we must be brave enough to deal with the consequences of our action. Respect people for that!

For me, accepting others way of living isn't always an easy thing to do to be honest. There are times that I trying so hard to understand why certain people do certain things? For example, until now I am still in my quest to understand Adolf Hitler. Extreme!

Not judging is one thing easy to say than done. So the one thing I can do is try to understand. Playing reasons with myself, and all those things have to be done with compassion mind. Maybe some will say, you can just try not to care, not to bother, the question is "What if the person's action affects you in one way or another?" And you might have better answer for this than what I have.

Again, that's just the mane faces of many things.

Happy Weekend~

Into a new place, call Home~

The past two weeks had been super crazy, both for me and Henki, for different reasons.

We had been in a new place for almost two weeks now (since the 16th of July 2017). It's a place we now call "home" with extra bedroom where we can accommodate family and friends when they are visiting. This is another hobby that I think I inherited from my family. Every Chinese new year, when all the BIG family make the trip back to hometown to visit grandma, there is never short of rooms to accommodate all of those people. House is always designed with extra bedrooms for guests! ALWAYS! I am talking about 30 people visiting for two nights. Of course it is not that luxurious stay where everyone gets a room of their own, it is more like those family stay where everyone cramp together "comfortably". Getting people to stay and "sleep" in your guestrooms is always a competition among the family. Whoever got more guests staying in their house is the "winner". Grandma who is now staying with my third uncle always win! =D

We had been planing to find a new place for a few months, but could only do the search during the weekends, when Henki is available to do other things than work. Until about 3 weeks ago, I made a few appointment by myself during the weekdays and did a viewing of a few houses by myself, taking videos recording of the place and area for Henki to see and calculate the time and distance from the house to Henki's workplace (the last thing I want is to add his exhaustion with the extra miles spent on the road getting home and going to work) Then, I found this one. I texted him "I think I have found it!" He didn't even have the chance to look at the place until the day we have to sign all the paper. It's still renting, by the way.

Never pick them from the tree. Always those which are already on the ground

So, here we are waking up to a room full of light and have been having a super good sleep, not sure it's from the exhaustion or from the different "feng shui" as they said. But yeah... Things are going well so far with the house. The owner (crossing my fingers) is quite flexible and decently nice. Hopefully it carries on til the very end of our contract here. What I love about the house is the garden. I pick up the flowers that fall to the ground everyday and use them to decorate the dining table. The dining table is not properly placed due to the design of the house, but for 2 of us, we are okay with that for now. And the good thing with its current position is that, every morning after Henki goes to work, I will just sit there alone, doing my things accompanied by the nice morning breeze and the green leaves (when we were little mom always asked us to go out and enjoy the blue sky and the green leaves, good for our eyes, she said). I do that everyday now.

"Leftover" chairs from the owner, 

Gonna add a table and it's a nice hangout place in the morning and afternoon

Our bed room is good too. I love the natural lights! Super BRIGHT from early morning to about 6PM when the sun starts to set down. However, the living room is quite hot during the mid day. The only thing that I do not like.

Most of our Lives are not perfect. My life is not!

But I would like to see the good things in each day and be grateful about it. What better right?

Henki has been super busy with work (when was the last time he didn't?). So there are times when I was talking to the people whom I am working with and mentioned about Henki's work that require him to come home late and sometimes to work even during the weekend, the first thing that they ask me is "Does he bring you along during the working weekends? If he isn't, you should be suspicious." It's so low minded. The people don't even know him. Remind myself never to assume bad about people ever again! We never know how one's life is. Take care of your own!

As of me, I would like to learn from Mom. There was one time, when I was still in college, I was always home late. My aunt is super fed up with me, not sure what I am doing out there. She had good intention, she still cared for me. So she called my mom and said all the things that might make my mom worried. Then as you expected, my mom called me. Instead of scolding me, she said to me "I told yi ma (aunt) not to worry about you. I told him that you know what you are doing. You can take care of yourself. I trust you." How WISE! How can I betray that kind of trust, not asking, just trust. I treasure it! Until now!

So now, I would like to do the same with my partner. "Baby, thank you for working so hard out there. Don't let work consume you. Take care of yourself too. Take work as a game, we put our best in it, but still sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. That's the nature of life. Quoting Ajahn Brahm, When you can't do anything, do nothing. When you know you can do something, give everything you have got! I trust you and I love you."

That's pretty much about the past month.

I can't wait for September to come! I said "Wakes me up when September starts!" :)

New Hope,

Lin ^^

Henki & Linda's Second Quarter of 2017

It's 10:56 and I have done cooking a dish for tonight, It's the Bak Kut Teh. I have also got paper marked and lunch prepared. What a productive morning. =D

Today woke up early, as Henki has officially starting his "budgeting" months, it's gonna be crazy for him for the next two to three months. Hang on, Baby! This too will pass, it always does. a minute at a time, an hour at a time, then one day at a time.

So, although I have not been writing much on this blog, the least that I could do is to keep up the quarterly "report".

Can you believe that half of 2017 is GONE! What have we used it for all this while?

 

Work
For me, the 3 months since April, nothing has happened much, as usual. My ex-colleague and now-friend had moved to Bali with her husband and her 2 year old boy. And as she finds things to "do" in Bali, we agree to start something small. If everything goes smoothly, we will start somewhere in August or September. It is something for kids, I am going back to where I started (not a bad thing). I thought I have lost the passion towards it, as I do research and read more and imagine how it will be, I actually got excited. Is it really my passion or is it just my character that got easily "excited and passionate" about almost anything that I am thrown at. Anyway, whatever it is that's just me doing the best that I can.

Company training is still on going now, the classes have gone quite well, I think. I have a bit of downtime towards the end of June as it was Lebaran and Bali is packed with people who are travelling from Java island and also it's the Australian school break. Thus, the island is crowded, so do the hotels and restaurants. And because they are understaff, the class is postponed and there I have my break.

Last month I have quit teaching the college students for various reasons, and the major one is that so that I can make time to focus on something else.

I also signed a very short contract to help a spa centre in Bali monitoring their listings on Chinese websites. Something that I can do from home, in between cooking and cleaning the house. It is only a 4 months contract, as I requested, to see if I am still into this thing. It's been almost a month. I am still  hanging on despite the very irritating issue in "accessing" the Chinese website from Indonesia as well as a bit of company politics that they share with me, that if I am given an option care not to know.

Henki's work is FOREVER busy. He is under staff. He is in charge in Sales and Marketing but he is basically the Revenue Director too. That's the problem with big company, they exploit their worker to save cost (or whatever reason they have), demands a lot and giving so little. If we were ever be a business owner (finger cross), I hope we can be a better version of "leader". *Fingercrossed. Oh yeah, I am very hopeful.

Play/Food
We don't play much. >.< However, we enjoyed one another companion most of the time. There are times that we got bored too, of course, but many-many times we don't.

Within three months we only made it once to the beach. There I lost my dearest goggles and hit quite hard by the wave. Thus, due to much rest that Henki needs after all the hardwork during the weekdays, our play is normally food. =D

There are a few memorable weekend "culinary" experience that we had. One of them is at the Tony Roma's. I intended to write about it but find no time til now. The food is excellent, no doubt, considering the price. Hahaha.. What impressed us that night is that how "passionate" the staff seems like. It was someone birthday, so I guessed the girlfriend ordered a cake, the staff, 6-8 of them came out singing the birthday song, NOT the classic birthday song, where before the song ends, the singers' voice normally getting softer and softer. Hahaha. This is their version. I can't remember the tune, but I remember the feeling that I got from that song. It's very jolly! Then, it is not only one song, before the cake "reached" the table, there was another song. And what best is that the staff wasn't only singing, but some of them are playing a simple music instruments to accompany that song too...

And that's not the only best, a staff came out with Polaroid camera and took a picture of the couple with the cake and gave them the picture. And still, that's not it, another staff came out with a deck of card and entertained the couple n their table with simple magic trick. Imagine that! If you are not anti-social, I think you will find this experience memorable.

What impress us is not the 'entertainment', but how Tony Roma's manage to hire those staff that are very skillful and talented and passionate. That's just great!

Bad Month for anything Electronic
This month was bad for our phones (both of our iPhone got into the water). Mine still functions without any "treatment", Henki's dead, so he got it fixed. Then, my laptop started to make so much sound, but still functions well. So I am backing up files on Google Drive and Henki's laptop so that whenever it is dead on me, I am ready for it. *Finger crossed. Then, the car has broken down a few times. The car was "healthy" until we decided to get it "maintained" in an independent automobile repair shop. But after the maintenance, the car broke down 3-4 times before we called the Kia service center and get the necessary fixed. The car functions well now. Ahh.. these things really get me at times. However, as all things, these too will pass. :)

Life in General
The past three months was great. Oh yeah, End of April I was down for about a week with dengue fever, but I have recovered from it. Voila! Other than that, both of us have been quite healthy and happy. I hope I speak for him too =D

Someone said to me "You look so happy in Bali". I said "I can choose to complain about all things that are not going well, things that I am disappointing at, things that I wish for and don't get and dwell in all those negativity, but I won't. I choose another way of living, to be happy."

Of course, at times I "slip" and feel miserable too, but I don't let it get too far, too long, because it doesn't do me any good. So why continue to "slip" right?

加油
Love,
Lin ^ ^

 

It's not unexpected, It's Uncertainty

This month has been full with surprising news. The latest was the news I received when I was teaching my last class in Mediterannean college. Last week, I heard one of my student had an accident. It was quite fatal, he was in coma for a week, til I asked today, how he was doing, his friends said that he had passed last Thursday.

He was only 20 and now he was gone. I believe he attended this school and considering the major he was in (food production), he may have a dream to become a cook, to work in a cruise line and travel the world one day. One decent kid, he is! And just in a blink of eyes, he was gone. May he rest in Peace.

Last two weeks, my good friend's father has just passed too. He was diagnosed from a terminal cancer exactly one month before he passed. Doctor gave him 3 - 6 months, and again, just like that he was gone in a month. 叔叔，安息吧

I might not be close to them, but I feel for them somehow. To that kid, I taught him, advised him to get a pair of glasses to help his eyesight, the last conversation I had with him was he sat beside me in instructor room and remind me his name when I forgot. He was in relationship with his classmate, it broke my heart when I saw her puffy eyes and making sentence like "I am waiting for you" in Chinese during my last class with them. To my friend's dad, he seems to be a traditional dad, his kids (my friend and her siblings) grow up well as a person, and for me it reflects their parents and one one them is him.

These things make me realize how temporary life is. When it is your time, then it is your time. You have no time to regret things that you had done and the things that you wish you have done. So, give your very best in every single things that you are doing. You may have no time to say "I love you" to people that matters, so say it often. You may have no time to say "sorry" to people that deserve them, so say it when you still can.

Things might appear to be unexpected at first, but thinking about it, it's just part of the "uncertainty", one of the most certain things in life!

May we all are blessed with a Peaceful Life.

About doing what matters

Things have been going crazy in the country. I can't say it is totally bad, yet, it is bad, but again as in Yin and Yang, there is always a little good in bad things and a little bad in good things. This applies for human too. We will not see one perfect human who is all good  and we will not see one broken human who is all bad. At times it is the way we react to it that determines something.

Not only in Indonesia, things have been going crazy too for me. I have many broken electronic! I planned to fix my camera, It is a Canon, it still functions just fine, however the rotating screen doesn't displaying the picture clearly as it should be. With that, I cannot see whether a shot is good enough, whether anyone's eyes are closed, and so on. Before I have the time to get it done, my iPhone was broken, it got into a pool of water and was there overnight, and that affects the life of the battery and it got "hot" so easily. Surprisingly, it can still function as it should be, to call, to chat, etc. Then, the car which is perfectly fine, was sent to the repair shop to get some "maintenance" service done. I don't know what they have done, it somehow creates problems. One day, it wouldn't start, then after they fixed that, apparently the next day I notice that the headlight went out, then I have to get them to repair that too, then they did some "operation" to the car, and didn't fix the problem, I drove out with nothing fixed but extra problems, the radiator got so HOT and blew up and smoke came out, scared me to death. Then I had to leave the car there, and a few days after we picked it up, I notice many things in the dashboard (esp, the speedometer) were not right. I definitely not going back there. Oh yeah, other than what happens to me, Henki's phone was also died on him when he had a company photoshoot by the beach, as the ocean decided to give his phone a "bath". How many more devices that can get broken in our house? Have I mentioned that my 3 year old laptop like to shut down by itself? Anticipating anything bad from happening, I have backed up everything important.

That's enough about the trouble that we face and the country is facing.

It is about doing what matters now.

Reading and listening to Ajahn Brahm (again? YUP), I realize there is no use getting so nervous when I got into the car, afraid that it might fail me in the middle of the road, or about when will my laptop decide to "shut down" and never to be able be restarted again? I decide to just go with it until I know what to do best.

Same for the country, Politics as usual is dirty. Now, how about us thinking about what can be done to fix that? Many people want to be somebody and start spreading the words of hate, in the name of their God. A sentence can be interpret differently depending on the understanding of the person who read it, the mood of the person who read it, and lastly the intention of the person who read it.

Teaching the Mandarin class, I told my student you can ask your guests to wait for a while with the following sentence "please wait for a while", however, make sure that you say it gently and politely. You can make that words sound rude, by adding negative emotion when you are uttering those 5 words. That's only a 5 words sentence, imagine a thick holy book with zillions of words in it!

There is a Buddhist teaching that is very profound, it said "Learn from Everyone, Follow no One". Even in spreading his teaching the Gautama never asked the followers to just follow, he wanted them to think for themselves about things that he preached and decide themselves whether it is true or not. They/We all have that right and we are expected to exercise that. Don't follow blindly. We can definitely learn from everyone, I can even learn from the people whom I will try very hard NOT to become. In this case, if people are just better educated, things might turn out as it is.

Thousands of candles have been lighted to show people's support to something/someone, people rallies to show they disagreement about decision that had been made, even my students (at their age, I was still enjoying college and didn't bother about politics that much. Maybe because I wasn't in Indonesia at that time?) were so busy following the news and neglected classes that are going on. For this I wonder, will we make any changes with this?

Personally, I would like to look forward. I was thinking instead of busy following the news, why don't my students put more effort in the class (I know it is not the only place to learn), and better themselves as individual, so that one day they can do things that actually matter. News on the internet is always there, you can do it later, right? Also, parents paid a lot for them to have the opportunity to go to this "college", why don't they fully utilize this privilege? Isn't that one of the way to cultivate the good morale in oneself, what known as "appreciation"? Smaller scale to appreciate the effort of their parents, larger scale, to appreciate the work done by leaders in the society whom have tried very best to serve their people.

Also, I notice, those who don't have the habit to "appreciate", are easily intimidated by those in power. Take my students as example, they despise the management of the college, as there are many policies made are never in the benefit of their students. The school thinks that they have power over the students, they think they can dictate the students to do what they want them to do. So students take their "fate" as it is. In this case, they will "bow down" to the "unfair" management and then... express their frustration in "bullying" those who can be bullied, like the good staff and instructors. This is a very sad fact that happens everywhere where the "bullied" are bullying someone else weaker. Is that right? NO! The right thing is to stand up to what is right, to go up the chain and confront the bullies who had bullied them.

I am a very stiff individual, most of the time, I like things by the book. For I think I will try my very best so that others won't easily find fault in me. I know that it is always so easy to find fault in anything/ any situation if you look hard enough, however, do realize that we can also find beauty in any situation if we try harder.

Going forward, I will still be doing things that I know best. I want to share my passion, my experience and my little bit of knowledge about things that I know, hoping that it will have positive impact to at least ONE other individual and also to learn from ALL about the things that I don't know. I trust that what is right will always be right. Someone I respect said "Don't worry, Karma will get the Bastard." Oops...


Peace,
Lin ^ ^

P.S. About religion, your religion is not better than mine, however you can be better than me and that makes your religion good.

Legal!

Last Weekend, 30 April 2017, we woke up early in the morning (this is something extraordinary for me, especially during the weekend which I would not normally be woken up by the sound of alarm clock), and got ready to sign our paper. What Paper?

It's been 15 months since our wedding ceremony and reception in Medan and 13 months since our wedding reception in Jakarta, and you won't believe that we are still talking about our wedding now. Yep, it's our marriage certificate! After living in worry that we are going to get raids and be jailed for living together without a proper documentation of marriage (I am just kidding about the worry, but being jailed for cohabitating is real in Indonesia, there is a law about it), we are finally get our documentation done.

The question is why so late?

Here is my side of story. Marriage certification is not difficult to obtain in “normal” circumstances, it is easy and it is free now. Normal here means that you are marrying someone opposite sex or someone who have the same religion as you. By this definition, people who would like to have a family with those who are not the same faith are considered “abnormal” in our beloved country. Again, in normal circumstances, we just have to run here and there (RT, RW, Department of Civil Registration or locally known as Catatan sipil). to complete the documents needed before proceeding to the real deal in signing the marriage certificate.

My parents helped me getting my documentation done, such as declaration that I am still single by 3 level of officials back in my hometown, lots of waiting and queuing just to wait someone in charge to sign the paper, because they are busy, with nothing normally. As for Henki, he had to do it himself, so the only time that we have is during our trip back to Jakarta early this year for Chinese new year. Anyway, we got that done too.

Now, why don't we process our marriage certificate in Jakarta? Oh, because the country has passed the law that states that interfaith marriage is not allowed in Indonesia. WHY? Don't ask me. This is the most ridiculous thing ever. Many strong believers of a religion believes that interfaith marriage is not going to work. The reason is that every marriage will encounter difficult times, and in those difficult times, we normally will turn to our faith more than ever. Therefore, if a couple has different faith and belief, how can they resolve their issues together with the guidance of God? How can they go to the same temple/church/mosque and seek the guidance of the "holy" people in there to help them see things clearer and work their problems out?

Initially, I was hesitant to convert because certain things in other religion do not fit into my principles in life and I am quite happy with my current belief. However, with time, my belief told me that it doesn't matter what the paper said about me, but it rather how I feel about myself, that truly matters. With that and my parents' support (Amazing, aren't they?) I don't mind converting, if needed.

Government should note, I convert not because I want, but because I need to or I must. Consider the difference and revisit the relevant law, will you?

In order to be able to process legal documentation that certified us as husband and wife, we need to go through something called "wedding based on faith/religion" or known as Nikah Agama, which is our problem. To put it blankly, There is almost no church wants me because I am not a believer. And we can't get it done in a temple, because Henki doesn't want to hold an incense because he needs to maintain certain belief of his and to save him from explaining things to people that need explanation. Story short, "Almost" is the keyword, at the end, we are able to get the church to issue a paper before going to the next step of signing the final marriage certificate in the relevant government office (As for us, we register it under the civil registration office in Bali, not in my hometown nor Henki’s. Living in a BIG country has its own problem, although we are Indonesian, we are not “local” as long as the Balinese government office is concerned). Back to the “help” that we are getting, I am not sure whether it is his interpretation on God's words that makes him want to help couples like me and Henki or it is something more worldly. However, I am grateful that he wants to do it so that we can get on with life and process the next legal paper to certify that we are a family. (I can only see it happens during our next trip back in CNY 2018, if nothing urgent happens before that.)

From the simple Christian ceremony we had last weekend, we have finally had our classical wedding vow. We didn’t prepare it, the pastor helps us with that, promising each other to respect and love one another in good and bad times, in health and sickness, until death do us apart. I want and will hold on to that, even if I am not born Christian. With the blessing, love and support from our family and friends, hopefully we can make it happen.

Anyway, we are legally married now. It doesn't change anything in our relationship, except we have papers to show during raids. Blah~

After a year plus of marriage, we are already a better couple compare to when we started last year. A friend told me that the first year of marriage is the most difficult year. I did experience that last year. Some other couples might not. I am just saying based on my experience. I struggle with new routine in new place, with so little / no other family members around, with Henki's work that is going crazy with every promotion and of course with each others' habits that are easily overlooked during our 3 years plus of LDR before committing into marriage.

I am not saying that we have got everything "under control", because we are not and I have learned that we never will, but I can handle things slightly better than before. Marriage changed me as a person, I believe things have changed Henki too. Believe it or not, my family and friends have helped a lot in straightening some knots for me in difficult time, helping to see things from different perspective and get to understand marriage life better. This part of walk in life has been much relaxing walk because of Ajahn Brahm. I must give him this credit. I listen to his talk a lot and Henki has never prohibit me from doing that (Thank you!) and I will "force" him to admit that he sometimes listen and "enjoy" it too. Enjoy here means find it make sense and he will tell me that "Baby, do you hear that? You have to worry less." He is a much more "Buddhist" than I am. He lets go more easily and it sometimes irritates me. Because I have to do all the worry, although experience has repeatedly showed me that there is no use in worrying.

Our marriage is still “young”, seumur jagung in Bahasa Indonesia, so far problems in life resolved not because we visit the temple/church often, but because I want to make it work and Henki does too. Both of us have to let go a little bit of our ownwelf and learn to accept others as they are and help each others in difficult times. I also learned from something that I read/watch that sometimes in marriage it is good to be “deaf” as most of the time when tiredness and irritation set it, people said things that they do not mean, and lots of times, it is destructive. So, be deaf at times.

Ending this post, I want to express my disagreement about the law that prohibits the interfaith marriage in Indonesia, because it certainly doesn’t help anyone and doesn’t improve anything AT ALL. It plants the seed in people’s head about how differences can’t live together. Some will argue, it will be confusing for the kids if their parents are not the same religion, how do the children should be brought up, in Buddhist way or the Christian way? NONE. Children should be brought up KIND, LOVING, RESPECTFUL and UNDERSTANDING. Lastly, once you brought them up that way, hopefully we are also given the strength to love and trust them in making their choices in life, just like how our parents do for us.

Legal,

Lin ^ ^